And you know what? I'm not surprised he was surprised (the love seat)

"Thousands and thousands of undocumented workers protested yesterday. President Bush was really surprised by the large number of protesters. And you know what? I'm not surprised he was surprised." --David Letterman

"Tom DeLay, embroiled in a lobbying scandal, said he will not run for re-election and he will leave Congress in a few months. DeLay says he will spend his free time doing what he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands." --Tina Fey

"Today is the 171st birthday of the flush toilet. Or, as Senator Larry Craig calls it, 'the love seat.'" --David Letterman

"The Senate offices were evacuated when they found a suspicious substance. Turned out it was just Ted Kennedy's margarita salt." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I live in Delaware, what else am I suppose to do? (honey, look at your reflection in your cauldron)

"Political experts say the one thing you're not supposed to do as a politician is say you're not something. Remember, Nixon 'I am not a crook.' Bill Clinton 'I did not have sex with that woman.' Carly Fiorina has an ad out here. She said, 'I am not that butch gym teacher from 'Glee.'" – Bill Maher

"Christine O'Donnell is blaming the liberal media, but you know what, Christine, I just showed clips of you opening your mouth and crazy s**t coming out. If you want to blame someone, honey, look at your reflection in your cauldron." –Bill Maher

"Christine O'Donnell is behind, but I don't think it's the witch stuff. I think it's because of her anti-masturbation stance. She's very serious about that, and you know people in Delaware are going, 'Come on, I live in Delaware, what else am I suppose to do?'" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Great. Now, I need a new 2020 campaign slogan (Which one are you, Khloe or Kourtney?)

Today in Congress, Trump's former lawyer, Michael Cohen, testified about the president and all his scandals. Yep. He called Trump a "conman," a "cheat," and a "racist." Trump heard that and was like, "Great. Now, I need a new 2020 campaign slogan." --Jimmy Fallon

Michael Cohen's testimony was on every TV channel, and I heard that it was also aired on Russian TV. You know it's crazy when even Vladimir Putin is like, (Fallon as Putin) "Pass popcorn. It's getting good. This getting good." --Jimmy Fallon

At one point, Cohen discussed what Trump said about his son, Don Jr. Michael Cohen, “Mr. Trump had frequently told me and others that his son Don Jr. had the worst judgment of anyone in the world.” In response Don Jr. was like, "Dad talked about me?" --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- Michael Cohen also said that he's responsible for making sure Trump's SAT scores never leaked. It's safe to say the only time Trump's seen a 1600 is when he passes the White House mailbox. --Jimmy Fallon

But get this - I heard Kim Jong-un actually brought his sister to the summit. It got awkward when Trump went up to Kim's sister and said, (Fallon as Trump) "Which one are you, Khloe or Kourtney?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It doesn't mean that politics won't take an interest in you (He is a miracle worker)

Monday night we had Dr. Phil on the show. You guys know, Dr. Phil? I’ve been making fun of the guy for half a year, never paying any attention to him. I just thought he was a guy with a show. Actually, he’s an amazing man. And thank God because I talked with him and I've been working with him ever since. And finally I'm beginning to cut down on the phone sex. He is a miracle worker. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

You folks know anything about this Robert Blake situation? Are you aware what's going on? Robert Blake has taped an interview with Barbara Walters against the advice of his lawyers. And I thought he murdered his wife against the advice of his lawyers. It’s the same thing. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

Boy you got to feel bad for President Bush. He’s he's really fed up with the UN's foot-dragging. You know he's really he's really had it, because he's very frustrated. He wants to attack Iraq and wipe them out before his one-term presidency is up. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

This is funny I love when stuff like this happens. Because of the blizzard, Regis Philbin could not get in to work to do a show. Regis couldn't figure out a way to get to work because of the blizzard and the producers panicked, and I'm thinking oh sure where are you going to find a guy who can sip coffee and chat. You’re pretty much screwed. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid)

"Good news in the oil situation. BP said they found a way to start breaking up their oil slick. The bad news is it involves a toxic chemical called Corexit 9527A. Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." –Bill Maher

"British Petroleum is going to try something new. They're going to try what they call a 'top kill.' That's where they shove a fluid that looks a lot like mud down into the well. I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”