I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet (Incredible Customer Service)

April 2022

“The news of Elon Musk purchasing Twitter set off a wave of takes so hot, they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on.” —Trevor Noah

“But one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval saying, ‘I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness.’ And I’ll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means, but Jack’s clearly on that billionaire speak.” —Trevor Noah

“All jokes aside, Jack Dorsey is a great guy, and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet.” —Trevor Noah

“You know, Trump claims he won’t go back on Twitter, but he 100 percent will go back on Twitter, and then this dumb new company he conned everybody out of their money for will become, I guess, the social media equivalent of a Radio Shack — a Radio Shack that is run by Devin Nunes.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, so Truth Social is competition for Twitter the same way that guy on the plane was competition for Mike Tyson.” —Trevor Noah

“Also, it doesn’t bode well that Trump himself has only posted on Truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy that is, people — when he was on Twitter, Trump would send out, what, like 50 tweets every time he went to the bathroom? Now he hasn’t posted for two months. Somebody needs to get this guy prune juice fast!” —Trevor Noah

“I’ll be honest, though, the only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter, the only reason, because — I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country — but I just, I just really want to see his Wordle scores.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We all feel terrible this happened (invest your money with a Nigerian prince instead)

July 2020

“But for once, Russia is the second biggest hacking story of the day, because yesterday, major Twitter accounts were hacked in a Bitcoin scam. Now, if you’re not familiar, a Bitcoin scam is anything involving Bitcoin.” —Stephen Colbert

”Yep, Joe Biden was hacked. Afterward, he was like, ‘Don’t be fooled by this scam — invest your money with a Nigerian prince instead. He’s giving away free iPhone 7’s.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey took to, well, Twitter to express his discontent, saying, ‘We all feel terrible this happened.’ Fun fact: ‘We all feel terrible this happened’ is Twitter’s official motto.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why aren't my speeches getting more likes? (You're Shaggy from Scooby-Doo)

Let's get to some news. I saw that President Trump just met with the CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey. I heard that Trump complained about losing Twitter followers. Just like when Abraham Lincoln met with his generals and said, "Why aren't my speeches getting more likes?" --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I read that since Pete Buttigieg has become more popular, Beto O'Rourke's popularity has gone down. They're both young, charismatic guys, and a lot of people think Buttigieg stole Beto's thunder. And, honestly, I kind of feel bad for the guy. So it's time for a candidate intervention. Beto, my man, take a deep breath. There's a long way to go until the 2020 election. But if you want to get back on track, here's some advice. You got to cool it with the blue shirts, bro. There's just too many of them. It's insane. You look exactly the same every day. It's like one of the Brooks brothers got stuck inside Groundhog Day. --Jimmy Fallon

And Beto please, please stop standing on your minivan. You can't become President if you're standing on a van down by the river! So, Beto, do some interviews, do a Town Hall, because Mayor Pete's coming in hot. And right now, you're just a dude who supports legal marijuana, wears the same shirt every day, and rides around in a van. You're Shaggy from "Scooby-Doo." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”