because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it (nurses mainly)

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

This is really weird, in Germany a woman who recently won a beauty pageant just admitted she used to be a man. Which explains why her talent for the pageant was hiding her testicles. --Conan O’Brien 7/13/2005

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're made out of people who ask too many questions (we all know how much dogs hate doin' it)

"North Korea has confirmed that Kim Jong Un has fired his uncle. Unemployment benefits in North Korea include two weeks' severance and not being shot." –Conan O'Brien

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

"McDonald's released a new video showing how it makes their Chicken McNuggets. Apparently it turns out that McNuggets aren't made out of chicken. They're made out of people who ask too many questions." –Conan O'Brien

"Scientists say they're getting closer to developing a pill to replace exercising. Americans heard this and said that it better come in cool ranch flavor." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a soft robot hand that can touch fragile items (That’s not important!)

This morning, Kanye West actually showed up to meet with Donald Trump at Trump Tower. People were shocked — they didn’t expect those two to meet until the first presidential debate in 2020. –Jimmy Fallon

Trump announced he’s nominating Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson to be his secretary of state, even though Rex supposedly has a friendly relationship with Vladimir Putin. Today, Rex said, “Putin and I aren’t friends,” while Putin said, “That’s SO something Rex would say.” –Jimmy Fallon

Apple just said its new “AirPod” wireless earbuds WOULD be available, after reports that they wouldn’t be ready for the holidays. When asked what happened, Apple said, “We finally found them behind the couch cushions.” –Jimmy Fallon

Researchers at Cornell University have invented a soft robot hand that can touch fragile items and even sense their shape and texture. When asked what they’ve used the hand for, researchers said, “That’s not important!” –Jimmy Fallon

because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it

Donald Trump has canceled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and a fear of Muslims. My work there is done." –Conan O’Brien

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

During a photo shoot for Time Magazine, a bald eagle tried to attack Donald Trump. The only thing that saved Trump’s life was the angry hawk living in his hair. –Conan O’Brien