“There were 12 candidates onstage — an all-time record, which is a little weird. I mean, candidates aren’t supposed to multiply as the debates go on. So, please, America, remember to have your candidate spayed or neutered! We can’t handle any more.” --Trevor Noah
“And what’s especially difficult is that most of these candidates won’t even become president, so they’re abandoning their families for nothing. That’s got to be a hard talk to have with your kids. Just like: ‘Hey, buddy — of course, Daddy wants to see you grow up, but he’s got to spend the next two years interrupting people in diners, you know, and — and kissing other people’s kids.’” --Trevor Noah
“If you ask me, I think the Democratic Party is just too nice. That’s how this happened. Like, the G.O.P. would never do this. They’re literally canceling entire primaries right now to lock out other candidates. Meanwhile, the Democrats are like a nightclub on a Tuesday: everyone gets in. It’s just like, you know, yeah, it’s just like: ‘Six guys in sandals? Come on in!’” --Trevor Noah
“Why are there 12 candidates? In the last debate, there were 10. You can’t subtract candidates and then add some back. Have you ever watched a reality show or sports? You don’t go to the Final Four, then suddenly you’re back to the Elite Eight. It’s not the way it works!” --Jimmy Kimmel
“Amy Klobuchar is still — she’s eight laps behind and stopped to have lunch, she’s still in the race!” --Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
