people call me “White Lightning” because I also finish under ten seconds (Fine, i’ll wear a condom)

A new survey ranks the Boston accent as one of the sexiest accents in America. But keep in mind, the survey was conducted by Catastrophic Hearing Loss magazine. --Colin Jost, SNL

A student in Texas who is nicknamed “White Lightning” after he set a high school record by running the 200 meter dash in 9.98 seconds. Coincidentally, people call me “White Lightning” because I also finish under ten seconds. --Colin Jost, SNL

Doctors in Iowa have confirmed a dog disease that can be passed on to humans. Fine, i’ll wear a condom. --Michael Che, SNL

Pope Francis ended a Vatican summit by promising the Catholic church would confront the clergy sex abuse head-on. Instead of their usual way, face down, ass up.  --Michael Che, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”