"The government is
still analyzing Osama bin Laden’s latest tape. On his most recent release he
called Bush a liar and said that he was just after oil. It’s the usual stuff we
have heard before. Like at the Golden Globes." --Jay Leno
"Senator Ted Kennedy
said he plans to quit the owl club, a social club that bans women. Today
Hillary Clinton asked Ted if he knew of any other clubs that ban women that her
husband could join." --Jay Leno
"Osama bin Laden
released his first new audio taped message in over a year. While there is some
new material in the message, insiders say it's mostly a Greatest Threats
collection. A White House spokesman says they plan to check out the message in
its entirety, but they're too busy listening to your phone calls." --Tina
Fey
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