the same temperature as a Florida golf course (or my name isn't Malt Ramrod)

"Last Friday CNN had its worst 10 p.m. ratings of all time, with only 35,000 viewers tuning in. I left it on for my dog, and when I came back, she was reading a newspaper." –Jimmy Fallon

"Speaking of Mitt Romney, his campaign is in the news for misspelling several words on his promotional items. Today, Romney issued a press release that said, 'I'll get to the bottom of this, or my name isn't Malt Ramrod.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Last week, President Trump announced the United States will withdraw from the Paris climate agreement. Trump said he wants the entire country to be the same temperature as a Florida golf course. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he’s able to button his suit jacket without adding butter to his chest (Worst President Ever)

President-elect Donald Trump will fly to France this weekend to attend the reopening of the historic Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, five years after it was gutted by a fire. And it’ll be interesting to see Trump and French President Macron interact. Trump is said to be jealous of the French president because he’s able to button his suit jacket without adding butter to his chest. — Jimmy Kimmel

When Notre-Dame was on fire five years ago, if you remember, Trump was very helpful. He tweeted, ‘So horrible to watch the massive fire at Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris. Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out?’ Because before then, nobody had thought of using water to put out a fire. That’s why he’s a genius. — Jimmy Kimmel

I read that President-elect Trump is going to Paris this weekend to attend the reopening of the Notre-Dame Cathedral after it was destroyed in a fire back in 2019. Yep, Trump’s going to take one step inside the church, and it’s going to burst right back into flames. — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please. I can make the in my sleep (the new Eiffel Tower wheelchair ramp)

Tom Brady revealed that he has regrets about last week’s Netflix roast, saying he didn’t like the way it affected his kids. But that isn’t stopping him from performing in tomorrow night’s Netflix roast of Tom Brady’s kids. —Colin Jost

A high-end fashion brand is selling a pair of jeans for $800 which appear to have a pee stain on the front. Jeans with a pee stain on the front? Please. I can make them in my sleep. —Colin Jost

People in Paris with disabilities are saying that the city has not fulfilled its promise to make it universally accessible before this summer’s olympics. And officials admit they’re having some safety issues with the new Eiffel Tower wheelchair ramp. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

those last few customers really got their money's worth (Fake nudes!)

A man was arrested on Friday by Secret Service officers for climbing over the White House fence. "I just wanted to see the Oval Office," said Jeb. –Seth Meyers

Disneyland Paris is temporarily shutting down its haunted house after an employee was found dead inside the attraction. But those last few customers really got their money's worth. –Seth Meyers

Law experts are saying that some of the language in adult film star Stormy Daniels' nondisclosure agreement suggests that she may have some lurid photos that were taken during their sexual encounters. Said Trump, "Fake nudes!" --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when you finish and your partner holds up a score (less fraudy by comparison)

March Madness is here. The last third of March means it’s time for college basketball. This is that magical time of the year when the co-worker who knows the least about sports wins $900 in your March Madness pool. —Jimmy Kimmel

In other sports news, officials running the 2024 Olympics in Paris have lifted the intimacy ban for the athletes’ village that was put in place in 2021, during the pandemic. The Paris Games will distribute over 300,000 condoms to its 14,250 athletes. Let’s do the math: that’s 21 condoms per competitor. If you’re having that much sex during the Olympics, you’re probably going to miss the Olympics. —Jimmy Kimmel

“That’s a very Paris thing to do. Every once in awhile, the French need to remind the world that being horny is their thing. The only bad thing about sex during the Olympics is when you finish and your partner holds up a score.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump is said to be considering a new hire: Paul Manafort, one of his former campaign advisers, who went to prison for tax and bank fraud and was pardoned by Trump in 2020. News outlets reported that he was in talks about helping with the Republican National Convention. Trump’s team is hoping that hiring someone who has been convicted of fraud will make Trump seem less fraudy by comparison. —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But from time to time he did get a bit snippy (NOPE)

A man in Vietnam was hospitalized after doctors realized that he had a pair of scissors in his digestive system that had been left there by a previous surgery that he had 18 years ago. I mean this guy is so lucky. Come on, free scissors! The sad part is after they sewed him up the second time the doctor was like wait, "where's my watch?" Amazingly, he rarely suffered any pain over those 18 years. But from time to time he did get a bit snippy. –James Corden

And finally some French news, or as they call it in France, News. The first restaurant in Paris created exclusively for naked diners has announced it’s closing due to a lack of customers. It’s a shame. Is this a shock to anyone? Scalding hot soup and no pants do not mix. They obviously had some problems. It’s the first time in history that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope you're hungry for nothing (But those last few customers really got their money's worth)

A man was arrested on Friday by Secret Service officers for climbing over the White House fence. "I just wanted to see the Oval Office," said Jeb. –Seth Meyers

The DEA has announced that by the middle of the year they may decide to remove marijuana from its Schedule 1 category of dangerous drugs. Because, let’s face it, it’s absurd to have “marijuana” and “schedule” in the same sentence. –Seth Meyers

Disneyland Paris is temporarily shutting down its haunted house after an employee was found dead inside the attraction. But those last few customers really got their money's worth. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Flight Risk? He can't get up a ramp (Because they strike)

March 2023

“Donald Trump will surrender next week in court in New York and they say he’ll probably go right home. They say he's not a Flight Risk. Flight Risk? He can't get up a ramp.” —Bill Maher

“Everyone is talking about Trump's indictment. The news is so huge that even CNN was like, ‘We're back, baby!’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, some people are worried that Trump's arrest will create division in the country. Right. 'Cause we were just having one big old pizza party before this.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I read that Trump and his team were caught off guard by the news as they thought any potential indictment was weeks away. Not great when everyone's like, ‘We knew you'd go to jail. We just didn't think it'd be so soon, you know?’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Long story short, I'm not allowed to sunbathe on my roof anymore (Walk It Off, Grandpa)

It's come out that the new Republican healthcare bill will hike premiums by 700 percent for the old and sick. It’s not a good sign that the title of the bill is “Walk It Off, Grandpa.” –Conan O’Brien

In protest of President Trump abandoning the Paris climate accord, the CEO of Disney has resigned from Trump’s business advisory council. It’s not a good sign when a company led by a giant talking mouse is telling the president to be more realistic. –Conan O’Brien

The FAA is investigating why a drone appeared in the sky during a San Diego Padres game. Authorities have already ruled out the possibility that someone actually wanted to watch a Padres game. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

those last few customers really got their money's worth (How Do You Sleep at Night? pillows)

A man was arrested on Friday by Secret Service officers for climbing

over the White House fence. "I just wanted to see the Oval Office,"

said Jeb. –Seth Meyers

Disneyland Paris is temporarily shutting down its haunted house

after an employee was found dead inside the attraction. But those

last few customers really got their money's worth. –Seth Meyers

At a campaign event in Wisconsin yesterday, a 16-year-old boy

threw an egg at Donald Trump but missed. And I can’t quite

explain it, but somehow it hit Jeb Bush. –Seth Meyers

Bed Bath & Beyond recently announced that it will continue to

sell Ivanka Trump products. So, be sure to pick up her new line

of “How Do You Sleep at Night?” pillows. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

1 in 6 American children lives in poverty (but in all of them, you’re an idiot)

January 2022

“There has been some ridiculous speculation by Fox News hosts over Biden’s Supreme Court nominee. Laura Ingraham even suggested that the White House might nominate Vice-President Kamala Harris. ‘It’s a possibility, I think she’s at least on the shortlist. I think it’s a theory that could be credible,’ said the former Trump press secretary turned Fox contributor Kayleigh McEnany. Yes, according to theoretical sources, the name they yanked out of their keister could be credible. Let me clue you in, Fox News. Joe Biden is not nominating Kamala Harris. It’s a 50-50 Senate and she can’t vote for herself! And I know what you’re saying: anything is possible. No, it isn’t. There is no possible universe in which this happens. Thanos can snap that glove all he wants, but even the Infinity Stones could not put her on the court. Dr. Stephen Strange is like, ‘the multiverse contains an infinite number of timelines, but in all of them, you’re an idiot.’” —Stephen Colbert

“In honor of the park’s 30th anniversary and Women’s History Month in March, Disneyland Paris announced yesterday that Minnie Mouse will wear a dark blue and black, polka-dotted pantsuit designed by Stella McCartney. Unfortunately, that still won’t make up for the fact that you brought your wife to Paris and then took her to Disneyland.” —Seth Meyers

“Minnie’s new look will debut in March at Disneyland Paris, which is just like regular Disneyland, only more existential. Unfortunately, Donald Duck is still running around with his cloaca out, just waving in the wind.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

Jimi Hendrix "Wild Thing" 1967-05-11 Théatre d'Issy les Moulineaux, Paris

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

David Bowie - Heroes (Live Paris 2002)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bruce Springsteen - Ramrod (Live 6/29/85 Paris)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why are we doing this, Master? (the many tastes of Opera Rat)

“The moderators kept trying to get the candidates to attack each other. Half of those questions might as well have been, ‘Pick three people on this stage: eff, marry, kill, go, go. Like, I felt like at any moment they were about to go, ‘By the way, Elizabeth, did you notice that Klobuchar totally stole your look? Just saying.’” --Trevor Noah

“Of course it has rats. But you know which other cities have rats? All the best cities in the world — Paris, London, New York — they all have a rat problem. In fact, I’m starting to think if your city doesn’t have rats it’s because you live in a boring-ass city and your food sucks because rats — rats want to have a good time, too. Everyone’s seen the photo of Pizza Rat. but people don’t realize later that night he changed into Opera Rat. He has many tastes.” --Trevor Noah

“Many people say Trump’s words are clearly racist, but Trump says it’s the black people who are the true racists because they keep bringing up race every time someone says something racist.” --Trevor Noah

“You see, this is what happens when you run out of things to blame Obama for. It’s almost as if Trump is looking around the room for new material. He’s like, ‘You know, this office wasn’t always oval. It used to have beautiful corners but Obama stole them!’” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush said my plan will help you whether you're a billionaire or just a millionaire (to get even Oprah purchased France)

In a speech today President Bush said that his economic plan would help Americans from all walks of life. Bush said my plan will help you whether you're a billionaire or just a millionaire. --Conan O’Brien 6/23/2005

Oprah Winfrey is angry because the other day in Paris she was denied entry into a posh French boutique. So today to get even Oprah purchased France. --Conan O’Brien 6/23/2005

This is really weird in Germany a woman who recently won a beauty pageant just admitted she used to be a man. Which explains which explains why her talent for the pageant was hiding her testicles. --Conan O’Brien 7/13/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the German army is now doing most of its recruiting in New Jersey (He's more evil than I thought)

Saddam Hussein's guards, the people who are guarding him in prison, have talked. They've given these interviews with GQ magazine, the magazine for dictators on the go. According to the soldiers who were guarding Saddam Hussein, Saddam likes having Raisin Bran for breakfast but he hates Fruit Loops. After hearing this President Bush said, “He hates fruit loops? He's more evil than I thought.” --Conan O’Brien 6/21/2005

It was reported that during their recent trip to Paris, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ran up a thirty thousand dollar hotel bill. Cruz was furious and told Holmes, “This is coming out of what I pay you.” --Conan O’Brien 6/21/2005

A court in Germany has ruled that soldiers in the German army should be allowed to keep their mullets and ponytails. In a related story the German army is now doing most of its recruiting in New Jersey. --Conan O’Brien 6/21/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Jail — or as it will soon be known, “Trump 2020 Re-Election Headquarters.” (A Special Kind of Stupid)

A federal judge in Virginia revoked former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort’s bail on Friday and sent him to jail while he awaits trial. Jail — or as it will soon be known, “Trump 2020 Re-Election Headquarters.” --Seth Meyers

An Ohio man was recently arrested after attacking his roommate with a rolling pin. And I find it amazing that two male roommates actually owned a rolling pin. --Seth Meyers

A baby who was born in Paris on a public train today received free rides from the transportation company until his 25th birthday. While a baby born on the New York City subway received hepatitis. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

who eats an apple at the airport when there's a Cinnabon right there? (It's right there!)

A Colorado woman was given an apple on her flight home from Paris, she put it in her bag as a snack for later and forgot about it, and now she's facing a $500 fine for not declaring it at customs. I'd be suspicious of this woman, too. I mean, who eats an apple at the airport when there's a Cinnabon right there? It's right there! --James Corden

One single apple ended up costing her $500. That's ridiculous. If she wanted to pay $500 for an apple, she could've just shopped at Whole Foods. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills just joined SEAL Team 6

A new study just came out that found that breast implants can save your life if you’re shot in the chest. In a related story, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just joined SEAL Team 6. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump and the first lady arrived in Paris today at the invitation of French President Emmanuel Macron. [shows clip of greeting] Last time they had a handshake it lasted longer than, like, two of Trump’s marriages, so all eyes were on this one. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020