she argued it looked more like four and a half (the next day at recess)

So, emails show that the White House scrapped Joe Biden's Navy ship tour after learning how many steps were involved. Step one, apparently was don't sh** your pants. —Greg Gutfeld

Baseball's first female umpire made her debut Sunday, but made a bad call on the very first pitch. No one argued since she's always right. Apparently that first pitch measured about 6 inches off home plate. Although when asked about it later, she argued it looked more like four and a half. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana (The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks)

"Lawmakers in Jamaica are now considering a bill that would legalize marijuana. Let me repeat myself: Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana. In related news, lawmakers in Italy are considering a bill to legalize spaghetti, and lawmakers in Ireland are considering a bill to legalize whiskey." –Jimmy Fallon

"Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

One of them even lost an eye... 26 (a solid 24)

In a recent interview, President Trump revealed he has only been sleeping four or five hours a night. While Ben Carson is still getting a solid 24. –Seth Meyers

A Tennessee man with the word "Psycho" tattooed on his forehead was arrested this week for stabbing someone in the stomach. Of course, if you have a tattoo on your forehead, no matter what it says, it says "Psycho." –Seth Meyers

Two elderly women in Canada this week got into a physical fight after they both wanted to sit in the same chair during a game of Bingo. One of them even lost an eye... 26. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please. I can make the in my sleep (the new Eiffel Tower wheelchair ramp)

Tom Brady revealed that he has regrets about last week’s Netflix roast, saying he didn’t like the way it affected his kids. But that isn’t stopping him from performing in tomorrow night’s Netflix roast of Tom Brady’s kids. —Colin Jost

A high-end fashion brand is selling a pair of jeans for $800 which appear to have a pee stain on the front. Jeans with a pee stain on the front? Please. I can make them in my sleep. —Colin Jost

People in Paris with disabilities are saying that the city has not fulfilled its promise to make it universally accessible before this summer’s olympics. And officials admit they’re having some safety issues with the new Eiffel Tower wheelchair ramp. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And just to give you an idea of how bad his airline was, it lasted 33 years less than Spirit (But tragically, no one filmed it)

President Trump’s tax documents also show that his airline, which I didn’t know anything about, launched in 1989 and lost $7 Million a month until it shut down in 1992. And just to give you an idea of how bad his airline was, it lasted 33 years less than Spirit. --Michael Che, SNL

An Arizona woman suffered more than 200 bee stings after a heavy wind blew a beehive onto her head. But tragically, no one filmed it. --Michael Che, SNL

A 93 year old man at a nursing home in California hitch-hiked to a local convenience store so he could buy a chocolate bar to split with his girlfriend. And also a box of Magnum XLs. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They have zero calories because you suck so hard on the straw you pass out (This would make a great Disney movie)

A new survey found that Green Bay, Wisconsin, is the drunkest city in the U.S. You can tell, cuz no one in Green Bay remembers answering that survey. --Jimmy Fallon

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

There’s a restaurant in New York that’s now serving hummus smoothies. They have zero calories because you suck so hard on the straw you pass out. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

there’s a new retiree about to dominate the pickleball league (Dad Bod Brady. Do it! Give us hope, Tom!)

January 2022

“Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady has retired after 22 seasons and seven Super Bowl titles. So bad news for your dad: there’s a new retiree about to dominate the pickleball league.” —Stephen Colbert 

“This is the most exciting thing to happen to Cincinnati since they found all that spaghetti under their chili.” —Stephen Colbert

“Tom Brady, the 44-year-old quarterback accomplished more than any other quarterback in the history of the NFL, even though he was drafted 199th overall. Which just goes to show you that anyone can be successful as long as you’re one of the most gifted and attractive people in human history.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now that Brady appears to be hanging up the old football skates, the world may finally see what we’ve all longed for: Dad Bod Brady. Do it! Give us hope, Tom!” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

Today Bush declared victory in the "War on Jobs." (Hey, he's a guy)

In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy. –Craig Kilborn

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs." –Craig Kilborn

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

A man who is empty on the inside (the boss is constantly grabbing for your breasts)

Earlier today, President Trump called Vladimir Putin and congratulated him on his presidential win. Coincidentally, Trump made the same call to Putin on Nov. 9, 2016. --Conan O’Brien

According to a study, being a new mother is the equivalent of working two and a half full-time jobs. And, even worse, the boss is constantly grabbing for your breasts. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html