The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP (But did you die?)

"Governor Chris Christie is in trouble because his staff shut down

part of the George Washington Bridge to get back at a political

rival. Yesterday, Christie gave a 107-minute press conference to

address the scandal. The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes,

he was ordering at IHOP." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie continues to push his agenda.

Today he proposed a longer school day for children in his state. In

fairness, kids in New Jersey probably need a longer day since their

buses spend three hours stuck on a bridge." –Jimmy Fallon

"Christie apologized and promised the bridge will stay open for cars, trucks, and the buses he's throwing his staff under." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It sounds fun — until you open the box with your Apple Watch, and it’s still attached to a hand (107 minutes)

The Russian presidential election was this weekend, and to get people to vote, Russian officials were offering prizes like Apple Watches. It sounds fun — until you open the box with your Apple Watch, and it’s still attached to a hand. --Jimmy Fallon

Golfer Rory McIlroy said there should be a limit to how much alcohol fans can buy at events because they’re getting too rowdy. And also, he’s tired of hearing drunk people try to say “Rory McIlroy.” --Jimmy Fallon

"Governor Chris Christie is in trouble because his staff shut down part of the George Washington Bridge to get back at a political rival. Yesterday, Christie gave a 107-minute press conference to address the scandal. The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If everyone is king, then no one is king (This is why nobody believes in UFOs, by the way)

Spotify Wrapped users across the nation learned their listening habits of the year. These Spotify year-end wrap-ups are somehow more embarrassing than your porn search history. My top five artists qualified me for the senior discount at IHOP this year. If I show my pharmacist my top five, they give me Lipitor without a prescription. —Jimmy Kimmel

The most globally streamed artist of the year was, unsurprisingly, Taylor Swift, who is rumored to have moved into new beau Travis Kelce’s Kansas City home after a moving truck was spotted outside his house. Meanwhile, no video footage exists of the White House Christmas tree falling over from a gust of wind. Three hundred million iPhones in this country, not one of them was pointed at the White House at 5pm. A moving truck outside of Travis Kelce’s house? That they got, no problem. A 40ft tree almost falling on the White House? Nothing. This is why nobody believes in UFOs, by the way. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

How confusing is this going to be for Sarah Palin? (America in two headlines)

"Rush Limbaugh has come out with his own brand of iced tea, with a picture of him on horseback dressed as Paul Revere. How confusing is this going to be for Sarah Palin?" –Jay Leno

"More bad news from President Bush. Remember those rebate checks from a few months ago? He wants them back. We need to give that money to rich people on Wall Street. They need it more than you do." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton canceled an appearance at the UN next week, after learning that Sarah Palin was also invited. And after Hillary canceled, the group canceled Sarah Palin, saying they didn't want any politicians. Which is a shame, because this would have been Sarah Palin's first trip to the United Nations. Although to her credit, she has been to the International House of Pancakes." -Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll close that bridge when I get to it (Apparently traffic was a nightmare)

"Tomorrow Chris Christie is expected to unveil his agenda for this year.

When asked what he's planning for next year, Christie said, 'I'll close that

bridge when I get to it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday after his press conference about the big traffic scandal,

Chris Christie traveled to Fort Lee, New Jersey, to personally apologize

to the mayor there, but it took longer than he thought. Apparently traffic

was a nightmare." –Jay Leno

"Christie apologized and promised the bridge will stay open for cars,

trucks, and the buses he's throwing his staff under." –Jimmy Fallon

"Governor Chris Christie is in trouble because his staff shut down part

of the George Washington Bridge to get back at a political rival. Yesterday,

Christie gave a 107-minute press conference to address the scandal.

The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP."

–Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP (Broken Promise Zones)

January 2014

"Governor Chris Christie is in trouble because his staff shut down part of the George Washington Bridge to get back at a political rival. Yesterday, Christie gave a 107-minute press conference to address the scandal. The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP." –Jimmy Fallon

"Christie apologized and promised the bridge will stay open for cars, trucks, and the buses he's throwing his staff under." –Jimmy Fallon

"We are learning more and more about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Do you know what his least favorite card game is? Bridge!" –Jay Leno

"Yesterday after his press conference about the big traffic scandal, Chris Christie traveled to Fort Lee, New Jersey, to personally apologize to the mayor there, but it took longer than he thought. Apparently traffic was a nightmare." –Jay Leno

"During his press conference about the traffic scandal, Christie said he was stunned by the 'abject stupidity.' And this is a guy wants to be president? Wait until he gets to Washington. It's a whole new level." –Jay Leno 

"Yesterday President Obama laid out plans for creating what he called 'promise zones' all across the county – spots that will receive extra financial and economic attention from the government. Don't confuse those areas with the rest of the country. Those are 'broken promise' zones." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment? (Kim Jong Kardashi-un)

April 2012

"Good news coming out of North Korea. You know they had Kim Jong Il and he passed away so his son Kim Jong Un is now the leader. He has a new girlfriend — Kim Jong Kardashi-un." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million, and reporters said, "Mitt, honestly, how did you get so rich?' And he said, 'Well, I've always been good with my money and I do smart things. I always make sure my tires are properly inflated. And I save 15 percent on my car insurance by switching to Geico.'" –David Letterman

"Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?" –David Letterman

"A new survey indicates that Obama supporters love iPhones. So if you have an iPhone, chances are you are going to be supporting President Obama. In a related story, if you support Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey, chances are you love IHOP." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Ways The Country Would Be Different If Chris Christie Were President (Wars Are Manufactured To Sell Weapons)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways The Country Would Be Different If Chris Christie Were President"

10. Al-Qaida taunts America with 'Your president's so fat' jokes 

9. Goodbye White House vegetable garden 

8. Cabinet will now have a Secretary of Cake 

7. New state: Fatbuttachusetts 

6. Congress does whatever he wants, because fat guys are, like, super-strong when they freak out 

5. Presidential retreat moved from Camp David to Hershey Park 

4. Taxpayers would have to pay for the president's second seat on Air Force One 

3. New national anthem: the 'Chili's baby back ribs' song 

2. Instead of Iraq, we'd invade IHOP 

1. Scandal when president is caught in Oval Office with Betty Crocker and Sara Lee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they’ll have to do the unthinkable: give money to someone other than rich people (here’s another important number)

“We’re all gonna have to get used to celebrating major holidays in a quarantine because this pandemic appears to be making itself comfortable. Broadway announced this week that it will be closed until at least Labor Day. Cal State University canceled in-person classes for the fall. Nobody likes that we have to do this, but we have to do this, according to health professionals like Dr. Fauci, who warned a Senate panel on Tuesday on the risks of reopening too soon. Fauci’s warning received pushback from some Republican senators seeking to reopen the country immediately. Republicans are desperate to reopen the economy because if they don’t, they’ll have to do the unthinkable: give money to someone other than rich people.” —Stephen Colbert

“Oh, here’s another important number: 100%, which is how much of that he just yanked out of his keister. In fact, according to Johns Hopkins, in per capita death rate, the US ranks ninth highest out of 140 countries. The United States has a worse record than such medical powerhouses as Moldova! Our government’s response has been so bad that Americans probably won’t be allowed to visit Europe anytime soon. Forget Europe! At this point I’d settle for a trip to the International House of Pancakes.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Although to her credit, she has been to the International House of Pancakes (It's like second nature)

"Hillary Clinton cancelled an appearance at the UN next week, after learning that Sarah Palin was also invited. And after Hillary canceled, the group canceled Sarah Palin, saying they didn't want any politicians. Which is a shame, because this would have been Sarah Palin's first trip to the United Nations. Although to her credit, she has been to the International House of Pancakes." -Jay Leno



"Sarah Palin's husband has refused to testify in an abuse of power investigation in Alaska. He was given a subpoena, and he is ignoring it. So it looks like this guy's going to have no trouble fitting into Washington. He seems to pick it up right away. It's like second nature." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banking institutions. One expert said it might cost Americans more than a trillion dollars. To put that in perspective, ten Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs still don't add up to a trillion dollars." --Jimmy Kimmel 



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Just for the hell of it, they threw in the Nobel Prize in Economics

Beyoncé won Best Pop Video, Best Female Video, Best Choreography, Breakthrough Longform Video, Best Direction, Cinematography, Editing, and Video of the Year. Just for the hell of it, they threw in the Nobel Prize in Economics. –Conan O’Brien

A developer in New York wants to build an IHOP on top of a Revolutionary War cemetery. IHOP's CEO said, "It makes sense, we've killed more Americans than the British ever did." –Conan O’Brien

A 25-year-old has scammed over $1 million from Trump supporters. It’s being called "the first time in years that the Trump name has actually made someone money." –Conan O’Brien

Big deal, I have a selfie with Jesus.

There were no injuries this weekend after a giant sinkhole opened up in an IHOP parking lot in Mississippi and swallowed up more than a dozen cars. And that hole still ate less than most of the people in the IHOP. –Jimmy Fallon

In Mississippi this weekend, a sinkhole swallowed 12 cars in an IHOP parking lot. It’s being called "the smallest thing ever swallowed at a Mississippi IHOP." –Conan O’Brien

SeaWorld is phasing out its killer whale show. Or as Fox News reported it, "More killers set free under Obama." –Conan O’Brien

Ben Carson apparently has a painting of himself with Jesus. When he heard this, Larry King said, "Big deal, I have a selfie with Jesus." –Conan O’Brien

Some Evangelical Christians claim that because this year’s Starbucks holiday cup doesn't have any Christmas symbols, Starbucks hates Jesus. In response, a spokesman for Starbucks said, "We like anyone who can turn water into something we can charge $7 a cup for." –Conan O’Brien

The man never learns

"President Obama addressed the U.N. today. Coincidentally, on the same day Chris Christie addressed the International House of Pancakes." –David Letterman

"The White House posted a video that got people upset. The president saluted two Marines with a cup of coffee in his hand. It's not the first time Obama's done something like this. Remember that time he said The Pledge of Allegiance while holding a Hot Pocket? Or when he visited an aircraft carrier with a $5 footlong? The man never learns." –Jimmy Kimmel



"Today an Indian spacecraft reached the orbit of Mars. Not only did India succeed on their first attempt, they did it on a very modest budget — $74 million for the mission. Which happens to be, truly, $26 million less than it cost to make the movie 'Gravity.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

He seems like a pretty bouncy person

"People are saying that if he let his aides close down the George Washington Bridge, Christie could be unfit for office. And I said, 'Hey, the guy could be unfit for his pants. What about that?'" –David Letterman

"Chris Christie is embroiled in a scandal involving lane closures near the George Washington Bridge. The scandal could damage Christie's chances of getting nominated for president in 2016, but he'll probably bounce back. He seems like a pretty bouncy person." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Governor Chris Christie is in trouble because his staff shut down part of the George Washington Bridge to get back at a political rival. Yesterday, Christie gave a 107-minute press conference to address the scandal. The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP." –Jimmy Fallon