You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (A Dick for All Seasons)

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

"Dick Cheney has a new book coming out August 30. It doesn't have a title yet, Might I suggest a few. 'How to Shoot Friends and Influence People,' 'A Dick for All Seasons,' 'Torture in the Rye'..." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals (Our governments are very much the same)

"NASA says that there may be 100 times more water on the moon than they thought. There's so much water that BP is planning to go there and ruin it." –Craig Ferguson

"The Murdochs testified before parliament and did something that not many powerful people would have the courage to do: They blamed others." –Craig Ferguson

"Barack Obama's not the only one on the hot seat right now. The CEO of BP is taking a lot of flak. His name is Tony Hayward. Today, President Obama had a meeting with Hayward at the White House. It got off to the wrong start. Hayward arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (And that's just the medicine cabinet)

“Mitt Romney's been out on the campaign trail even though he's suffering from a terrible cold. I'm not surprised he's sick. It's very unsanitary to keep putting your foot in your mouth like that.  It didn't help matters that Romney kept blowing his nose into $100 bills.” –Craig Ferguson

“Mitt Romney's wife said she doesn't even consider herself wealthy. Then she said, ‘If you don't believe me, just ask my chauffeur.’” –Craig Ferguson

"Did you hear that Rush Limbaugh's Manhattan penthouse is on the market for $14 million? It's an amazing property. Over 4,000 square feet. And that's just the medicine cabinet." –Craig Ferguson

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (but he doesn't look a day over crazy)

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

"Did you hear that Rush Limbaugh's Manhattan penthouse is on the market for $14 million? It's an amazing property. Over 4,000 square feet. And that's just the medicine cabinet." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because, honestly, none of us know where Libya is (It's like we're all married to Kevin Federline)

"Charlie Sheen is still a big story because, honestly, none of us know where Libya is." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama has to cut his trip to Latin America short because of the situation in Libya — and to check on his NCAA brackets." –Jimmy Kimmel

"No one can agree on how to spell Gadhafi's name. He's like the Hanukkah of dictators." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Here's a good reason to drink, Congress has approved a new ceiling for the national debt. They had to, because the current national debt was starting to go so high that it was going to go past the legal limit, so they just raised it. And our new national debt is $9 trillion, not million, not billion. To put $9 trillion in perspective, that is more than Oprah makes in a week. It works out to about $30,000 in debt to every single American, including kids. In other words, the government has borrowed $30,000 from each of us and blown it all on Hummers and grenade launchers. It's like we're all married to Kevin Federline." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too (powered by baby seals)

“Barack Obama's not the only one on the hot seat right now. The CEO of BP is taking a lot of flak. His name is Tony Hayward. Today, President Obama had a meeting with Hayward at the White House. It got off to the wrong start. Hayward arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals." –Craig Ferguson

“Tony Hayward didn't take any questions after his White House meeting today. Probably a good thing. He's great at destroying ecosystems, but not so great at talking. Hayward has said: 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony, I'm so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know folks it's a lot cheaper to just buy a hat that says I have a small p*nis (They're still rich)

This blew my mind. A car company is coming out with a super-sized truck, listen to this, that is four feet longer two feet taller and twice as heavy as a Hummer. You know folks it's a lot cheaper to just buy a hat that says I have a small penis. --Conan O’Brien 9/17/2004

John Kerry called President Bush to concede the election. The call apparently lasted less than five minutes. The phone call would have been even shorter but the first three minutes President Bush was talking into the wrong end of the phone. --Conan O’Brien 11/4/2004

According to the latest ratings twice as many people watched Tom Brokaw's coverage of the election on NBC than watched the coverage on Fox News. Apparently the ratings for Fox News would have been higher but Bill O'Reilly kept asking women if he could poll them. --Conan O’Brien 11/4/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (Sure, now you give me a shield)

"The U.S. Mint has announced they're redesigning the penny. It's going to have Abraham Lincoln on the front and a shield on the back. Lincoln is probably thinking, 'Sure, now you give me a shield.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Bernie Madoff's daughter-in-law, Stephanie Madoff, is changing her name. She says the Madoff name is tainted with scandal and she wants a name with less negative connotation. She is now known as Stephanie bin Laden." –Craig Ferguson

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I said, well, sure, slice me eight more years of that, will ya? (Hummers)

"This weekend the annual auto show begins. The New York City Auto Show. It's going to be a great affair. I hear former Governor Eliot Spitzer may be in the market for a Hummer." --David Letterman

"How about that John McCain, ladies and gentlemen? Do you like John McCain? John McCain recently said that he supports George Bush's Iraq policy. I said, well, sure, slice me eight more years of that, will ya?" --David Letterman

"I do like John McCain. He looks like a guy who thinks he is sheriff of the neighborhood, you know? 'You're going to have to trim back those hedges. You are gonna have to get out there and trim them back.' He looks like the guy who is a regular at the paint store. 'What color is that? You gotta use that up. I'm looking for a Humbolt Blue.' He looks like a guy who walks by your house with his arthritic dog." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

a Hummer the size of an elementary school (global warming s**t)

"We set an all-time record for power consumption here in California yesterday. Our governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, whom you may know from such movies as 'Kindergarten Cop,' has been urging Californians to try and conserve energy, which is interesting to hear from a guy who drives a Hummer the size of an elementary school." --Jimmy Kimmel

 "So hot today down in Washington, D.C., President Bush said, 'Maybe there is something with the global warming s**t.'" --David Letterman

"President Bush is back from the G-8 Summit over there in Russia. The G-8 Summit went very well. Today the world leaders announced they are still very close to finding a replacement for Star Jones." --David Letterman

"That's the big story, President Bush being recorded using a four-letter word at the G-8 Summit in Russia. At first everyone thought he had mispronounced the word 'Shiite.'" --Jay Leno