You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word (There's also a negative side)

“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long

plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men

die like dogs. There's also a negative side.” —Hunter S. Thompson

For potential disasters, this pessimist carries a card in his wallet that says, "In case of an accident, I'm not surprised." --Milton Berle

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There's probably a lesson in there somewhere (Starring Kevin Spacey)

“Yeah, there is a cease-fire, and that is very good news. And I do know that the phrase ‘very good news’ is not one you hear much these days. It’s kind of like ‘Be kind, rewind’ or ‘Starring Kevin Spacey’ or ‘Cuomosexual.’ I thought those days were gone forever.” — John Oliver

Well, yesterday, President Trump finally released what everyone has been asking him to release. George Santos. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he reviewed ‘statements and posts’ (Have you lost weight?)

“Let me just tell you something: I am not intimidated by the F.C.C., and if President Trump is watching, I have one thing to say to you: Have you lost weight? You look terrific.” — Bill Maher

“But this Kimmel situation does feel like a turning point, and not because comedians are important, but because we are not. If the government can force a network to pull a late-night show off the air and do so in plain view, it can do a [expletive] of a lot worse.” — John Oliver

“First, he’s calling on the attorney general to prosecute his political foes whether there’s evidence of a crime or not. That’s a pretty big deal. Also, yeah. Also, he reviewed ‘statements and posts’? Does that mean he just read the internet?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In case of an accident, I'm not surprised (the English language's most offensive C-word)

For potential disasters, this pessimist carries a card in his wallet that says, "In case of an accident, I'm not surprised." --Milton Berle

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver

“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.” —Hunter S. Thompson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word (It’s that and eating baby birds right out of the nest)

“I don’t think anyone is surprised that Senate Republicans said one thing when Obama was president, and another thing when it’s Trump. You can’t even call them inconsistent. Doing whatever it takes to get his way is the one consistent principle that Mitch McConnell lives by. It’s that and eating baby birds right out of the nest.” —Trevor Noah

“News of the economy is really hurting Trump’s popularity. A new poll that was just released said Trump’s disapproval rate is at 56 percent. And now I’m really worried. Now I’m really worried Trump might not fix the economy, because he just says, ‘What do the other 56 percent think?’” --Trevor Noah

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The closest I ever came is when I was born (77% disapproval rating!)

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman."--Pat Paulsen (1968)

"All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian."--Pat Paulsen (1968)

I never went bungee jumping. The closest I ever came is when I was born.--Demetri Martin

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Homeowners Associations: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wait for it - 23,000 years. (unenlightened immigration policy/the boogieman/C words/fools and mosquitos/empty stage/megaphones)

"All the problems we face in the United States today can be

traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of

the American Indian."--Pat Paulsen (1968)

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman."--Pat Paulsen (1968)

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver

The best blood will sometimes get into a fool or a mosquito. --Austin O'Malley

"Whenever I see George W. Bush giving a speech, I always feel that somewhere there is a comedy club with an empty stage."--Jimmy Dore

I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers other people because I use a megaphone.—Anonymous

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

On the other hand, it's a great idea for a comedy show (Spies Who Lie)

September 2022

“At the Emmy Awards last night, we lost best variety series to Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, but even though we didn’t win, it was an honor just to get Covid from those who did win.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s another book about the end of the Trump presidency, this time by the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman. In Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America, Haberman reported that Trump had vowed after his defeat in the 2020 election to remain in the White House, telling an aide: ‘We’re never leaving.’ It was like when you try to tell a five-year-old it’s time to leave Disneyland. Fortunately, the Oval Office is oval, so you can’t really pile furniture up against the door. But how would he see that working? Would he and Joe Biden be roommates? I mean, on one hand it’s treason. On the other hand, it's a great idea for a comedy show.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This week, the justice department said it would consider one of nominees from Trump’s legal team: Raymond Dearie, the former chief judge of the federal court in the eastern district of New York as special master. Let me tell you how this goes from here. Donald Trump just picked a guy who will decide whether or not, or to what extent, crimes have been committed. The justice department said OK, we accept this guy, Judge Dearie, as special master. He will look at the evidence, which is pretty clearcut, he will agree with the FBI, give them all the documents, and once he does, Trump will call him a puppet controlled by the Democrats. The whole thing is a distraction. It doesn’t matter what’s in the documents. Just taking them out of the White House is a crime under the Espionage and Presidential Records Acts, and they still don’t know whether Trump returned all the documents he took. Which, of course he didn’t. That’s like being unsure if Cookie Monster ate all the cookies.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word (Resting Birch Face)

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman."--Pat Paulsen (1968)

"All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian."--Pat Paulsen (1968)

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver

The best blood will sometimes get into a fool or a mosquito. --Austin O'Malley

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, thank me and shake my hand (Now, he could be anywhere)

April 2022

“When I first read the headline that Will Smith has been banned, I thought this was the worst punishment ever. I was like, ‘10 years? The Oscars? This is ridiculous.’ But I got into the details, and I realize he gets to keep his Oscar, and he can still win Oscars even though he’s banned. So in many ways, this isn’t a punishment. This is a favor. Will Smith doesn’t have to go to the ceremony. He doesn’t have to dress up, he doesn’t have to sit through a bunch of boring awards that he doesn’t care about. He doesn’t have to pretend to be happy when he loses – I wish I could get banned from the Emmys! Every year I have to go and act like I might beat John Oliver. It’s a nightmare!” —Trevor Noah

“I also think they should have at least consulted Chris Rock before choosing the punishment, you know? Because if Will were still going to the Oscars, that’s at least four hours where Chris Rock knows where he is. Now, he could be anywhere.” —Trevor Noah

“In all honesty, though, I don’t think they should’ve banned Will Smith at all. I think they should’ve hired Will Smith to replace the wrap-it-up music at awards shows. Do you know how quickly winners will finish their speeches when they see Will Smith watching them from the side of the stage?” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word (That's all I needed to hear)

July 2013

"Former governor of New York Eliot Spitzer has now gone on record as saying that Anthony Weiner is not fit to be mayor. Well, that's good enough for me. That's all I needed to hear." –David Letterman

"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word." –John Oliver 

"A new poll came out and says that most Democrats think Anthony Weiner has basically lost his mind. Weiner said, 'The important thing is I haven't lost my phone.'" –Conan O'Brien

"A Russian official announced that gay athletes attending the 2014 Olympics there will be arrested. This is good news for the world's three straight male figure skaters. Just show up, get a medal, you're done. No competition. " –Conan O'Brien

"Al Qaeda announced that they will try to free the inmates at Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, because nothing helps you pull off a prison break like announcing it ahead of time." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Mike Prysner: Leftist Debunks John Oliver's Venezuela Episode

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-semitic (still a great trick to weed out the Nancys)

"President Obama released his birth certificate today, proving once and for all that he was born in the United States. Yep, the certificate clearly shows that he was born on the all-American street of Kalanianaole Highway at the Kapiolani Hospital in Oahu." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair." –Jimmy Fallon

"Earlier today, the president of Iran refused to attend a United Nations banquet because wine was being served. The Iranian president said he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-semitic." --Conan O'Brien

"At Yale, Bush was president of his fraternity. Few jobs provide more hands-on experience in robbing others of their dignity. In fact, his senior year marked the first time in history Amnesty International intervened in a pledge rush. My understanding is that when Yale banned tying pledges' genitals to bricks with a length of string, Bush came up with the idea of using cinder blocks instead -- still technically legal, still a great trick to weed out the Nancys." --John Oliver

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s so bad for him, now Democrats want to see his birth certificate (We can't afford the rich anymore!)

Since Trump took office his cabinet has had historic amounts of turnover. Historic amounts of turnover? Also his favorite breakfast. --Stephen Colbert

"It looks like the Bush-era tax cuts for the rich will continue, due to a strong Republican leader, Barack Obama. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Yes, we caved.' It’s so bad for him, now Democrats want to see his birth certificate." –Jay Leno

"The Republicans might be willing to allow homosexual men and women to die for their country, once anyone earning over $500,000 a year is allowed to park in handicapped spaces and be addressed as 'Guvner' in an English accent." –Daily Show correspondent John Oliver on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You don't typically see politicians shooting reindeer to death two weeks before Christmas (Trump History Lesson)

"Sarah Palin shot a reindeer on the last episode of her show. You don't typically see politicians shooting reindeer to death two weeks before Christmas." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The Republicans might be willing to allow homosexual men and women to die for their country, once anyone earning over $500,000 a year is allowed to park in handicapped spaces and be addressed as 'Guvner' in an English accent." –Daily Show correspondent John Oliver on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

"President Obama has agreed to extend the Bush-era tax cuts. Because if there's anything we need, it's an extension of the Bush era." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the English language's most offensive C-word (one agent was transferred to another parish)

"TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish." –David Letterman

"Some of these airport patdowns are so thorough they say you only need one every 5 years. You can get the regular patdown, but if you want to upgrade you can get what they call the Full Spitzer." –David Letterman

"Three finalists on 'Dancing with the Stars,' two of whom can dance and Bristol Palin who cannot, but her mother has an army of Eskimo robots calling in votes day and night. The Palins dream of a future in which no one will ever be disqualified from a job simply because they are unable to perform that job." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

what the hell am I going to do with a two ton monument of the Ten Commandments? (new spokesperson for the Target stores)

Saturday night Tupac Shakur was leaving the Bruce Seldon and Mike Tyson fight  in Las Vegas and he was shot four times. Even though he was shot four times, he’s OK. That means he actually survived more rounds than Seldon. --David Letterman 9/10/1996

This is the second time that Tupac Shakur has been shot in the last eighteen months. It does have a silver lining though, because earlier today Tupac was named as the new spokesperson for the Target stores. --David Letterman 9/10/1996

Do you ever have buyer’s remorse? I woke up this morning and wondered what the hell am I going to do with a two ton monument of the Ten Commandments? --David Letterman 8/28/2003

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How the GOP tax plan gives to the rich and makes you pay for it! (walls dripping with medicine)

"Why aren't we hearing the other side of this issue? Yes, there is tons of black mold growing in the walls where we house our wounded soldiers. But nobody mentions, mold can be used to make cheese and penicillin. You might say Walter Reed's walls are dripping with medicine." --Jon Stewart

"President Bush has said no one supports the troops more than him. So, if you take him at his word -- and I see no reason not to -- anyone leaving the army is necessarily going into a less supportive environment, and that can't be an easy transition. [These shoddy conditions] are a halfway house, so that soldiers can get accustomed to their terrifying, new Bushless world. You just can't throw them back to their family and friends, where God knows what will happen to them. You need to ease them into it with six months to a year of squalid aftercare in some type of bureaucratic limbo." --Daily Show correspondent John Oliver

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he'd have to limit that advice to things that weren't shameful, illegal, or spectacularly bone-headed (Not seeing it)

"It's a major concession from the president's initial offer to Congress, which was that they go f**k themselves." --Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, on Bush offering Congress private interviews with White House aides

"The White House is adamant that its advisers retain the right, if they so choose, to lie without consequence. It's executive privilege. If Karl Rove knew he'd one day be forced to testify under oath about the advice he gave the president, he'd have to limit that advice to things that weren't shameful, illegal, or spectacularly bone-headed." --John Oliver of The Daily Show

"The Democrats are trying to turn these firings of U.S. attorneys into a partisan issue, but the president is above bickering. In fact, he made a generous peace offering. Karl Rove and Harriet Miers would submit to private interviews, but 'they would not take oaths nor would a transcript be made available.' See, the president is just trying to save this country from another painful perjury trial." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”