If you’re looking to buy a hotdog from a woman in a G-string, Florida is the place you want to be (That’s a bit much!)

The idea that Trump voted by mail at the same time he tried to ram this ‘save my fat orange ass’ act through Congress right now, which is a bill that would do away with mail-in ballots, has put leaders in the GOP in a bit of a pickle. Asked about this latest act of brazen hypocrisy, Mike Johnson, the Republican speaker of the House, attempted to sidestep. “I think some states have handled mail-in voting well,” he said. “I think Florida is a good example of that. They don’t allow fraud, they’ve got great systems. That is not true in other parts of the country,” like California. Listen, I’ve lived in both states, and the only thing Florida does better is get manatees addicted to meth, all right? If you’re looking to buy a hotdog from a woman in a G-string, Florida is the place you want to be. —Jimmy Kimmel

There are reports that Pentagon officials provided Trump with daily “sizzle reels” of military strikes in Iran to boost his mood. Just step back and think about this: every day, they’re bringing him these fun little action movies of us blowing stuff up. Everyone’s telling him how great he’s doing. He’s got four whole cable networks dedicated to kissing his ass 24/7. His staff is terrified to ever bring him any bad news, and he has the memory of a worm at the bottom of a bottle of mezcal. And this is the man in charge of sending our children to war – at least the ones whose dads don’t have a good podiatrist to get them out of it. Our own government is making war propaganda videos for the person running the war. Even Kim Jong-un is like, ‘That’s a bit much!’ —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Give me a D! (ever since they hastily moved here in 1945)

A high school cheer coach was arrested on charges that she had sex with a male student. Said the coach, “Give me a D!” —Colin Jost

Monday was National German-American Day which my family has been celebrating ever since they hastily moved here in 1945. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’ (shut that door to nowhere)

April 2021

“Twenty years is a long time. Those are 17th-century European numbers. That’s the kind of war you fight because the Spanish contessa rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and eloped with the Duke of Saxony.” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan. This conflict’s older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’” —Stephen Colbert

“This war has stayed with us through four White House occupants with nothing changing. And now Joe Biden has decided it’s time to shut that door to nowhere.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s really a matter of hole selection (I love Mexico)

"I love Mexico. There’s a beautiful island off the coast that has more seals than Osama bin Laden’s bedroom." –Craig Ferguson

"Donald Trump is comparing his resistance to same-sex marriage to his refusal to use a new kind of putter. I think gay people and straight people use the same putters. It’s really a matter of hole selection." –Jon Stewart

"I don’t like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You don't typically see politicians shooting reindeer to death two weeks before Christmas (Trump History Lesson)

"Sarah Palin shot a reindeer on the last episode of her show. You don't typically see politicians shooting reindeer to death two weeks before Christmas." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The Republicans might be willing to allow homosexual men and women to die for their country, once anyone earning over $500,000 a year is allowed to park in handicapped spaces and be addressed as 'Guvner' in an English accent." –Daily Show correspondent John Oliver on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

"President Obama has agreed to extend the Bush-era tax cuts. Because if there's anything we need, it's an extension of the Bush era." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm sorry, but two wings seemed pretty freaking redundant (History Lesson for Trump)

Listen to this -- in a speech today, Vladimir Putin said Russia would use its new hypersonic missiles that can fly nine times the speed of sound. Yeah, of course, if he targets New York, they'll still have to circle over LaGuardia for a few hours before they can strike. --Jimmy Fallon

Oh, this isn't good. Guys, today, Southwest had to cancel hundreds of flights due to mechanical problems. Yeah, the CEO of Southwest was like, "I'm sorry, but two wings seemed pretty freaking redundant." --Jimmy Fallon

This is crazy. The other day, strong tailwinds caused a commercial flight from L.A. to London to go faster than the speed of sound. Yeah. The pilot was like, "On your left is the Hollywood sign, and on your right is...Buckingham Palace?" --Jimmy Fallon

Check this out. I read about a vegan woman who recently got married and banned all meat-eaters from her wedding. Then her friends and family were like, "Oh, no, we're not allowed at your vegan wedding? Oh. Bummer." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”