It might even be her second worst decision (DNA kits)

“In Georgia, Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock are headed to a runoff election in December, which could decide control of the Senate. Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Turning to Pennsylvania, where John Fetterman defeated Dr. Oz, a celebrity tapped by Donald Trump. The former president is reportedly livid about Oz’s loss, screaming when the numbers came in, according to the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman. They say the last time Trump was this disappointed was when Eric was born. Haberman reported that Trump was also furious with anyone who supported Oz, including his wife Melania, calling it ‘not her best decision’. It might even be her second worst decision. Trump is so angry at Melania, they’re no longer sleeping in separate beds.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's our job to do the exact opposite (which explains why Nancy Pelosi’s interns keep going missing)

According to a new study, aging skin is rejuvenated by young blood and bone marrow, which explains why Nancy Pelosi’s interns keep going missing. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said the homeless population in DC must move out immediately. He promised to be careful though because John Fetterman only looks homeless. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the voice of reason is a stroke victim who dresses like he steals from a laundromat (You can do this already with a Zip code)

Rosie O’Donnell has left the United States and moved to Ireland. Poor Ireland, suddenly that whole Potato Famine doesn't seem so bad. Soon the Irish will be praying to St Patrick to get rid of her and bring back snakes. —Greg Gutfeld

The Democrat party’s in free fall. From the lowest level man-child to the highest level politician. There's no reason, no optimism, just insanity piled on insanity. And it’s ready to topple like a human pyramid with Joy Behar on top. —Greg Gutfeld

This might be the future of the Democratic party but it doesn't have to be. There's Senator Fetterman, once a progressive darling who is now reviled by them for approaching normalcy. You know your party’s in trouble when the voice of reason is a stroke victim who dresses like he steals from a laundromat. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the customer's defense he did order the number one (The Gulf of no one has been arrested yet)

Maxine Waters said that President Trump is working towards a Civil War and she may have a point. It's clear her wig is already trying to secede from her head. —Greg Gutfeld

On Thursday John Fetterman asked Democrats not to shut down the government. He also asked his parents if he could have macaroni and cheese for supper tonight. —Greg Gutfeld

A restaurant in China promised a refund to all of its customers after patron urinated openly in the dining area. In the customer's defense he did order the number one. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new study the intestines of a Burmese python can physically rebuild itself after each meal. Join the club said J.B. Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even Rachel Maddow thinks that's a good number (Let that sink in)

According to a CNN poll, that's right CNN, 69% had a positive reaction to President Trump’s speech. 69! Even Rachel Maddow thinks that's a good number. —Greg Gutfeld

No wonder all the sane Dems are depressed. John Fetterman summed the dem's behavior up on Tuesday as, “A sad cavalcade of self- owns and unhinged petulance. It only makes Trump look more presidential and restrained.” Yeah, and Fetterman is the guy who would wear sweats and a hoodie to a funeral. —Greg Gutfeld

Bottom line, Trump Derangement Syndrome became Trump Derangement Strategy, and by taking over the party it forced them to come out against everything Trump was for which as it turned out was everything the American public was for. So it left the Dems with nothing but hate. So I do wish the Dem's luck who are trying to rid themselves of the craziest angriest people in their party. But if you had listened to me three years ago and not the weepy Jimmy Kimmel’s of the world, you wouldn't be in this mess. You're a brain dead party which serves you right for electing a brain dead president. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! (dare to invent the future)

This Valentine's Day let's stop judging people who

are having romantic relationships with their phone.

Well back in 2013 when the movie Her came out

about a man who did just that, it was seen as science

fictiony and weird, but that was when we were using

the iPhone 5, a decade before Chat GPT. Now, says

Bryony Cole, host of a podcast called Future of Sex,

within the next 2 years it will be completely

normalized to have a relationship with an AI. So to

those of you for whom this may be your last

Valentine's Day with a human, I say good luck and

may you never hear those three terrible words,

battery is low. 

Now if you think I'm exaggerating about this let me give you the statistics. Researchers who've analyzed a million chat GPT interaction logs say the average person uses AI for mainly two things. One, cheating on term papers and two, some kind of relationship. 

Already over 50 million Americans are using AI companion apps and 20% of Americans have already engaged in flirtatious conversations with chatbots. A  quarter of young adults believe AI has the potential to fully replace real life relationships. Geez, no wonder ladies night at Houlihan’s has been so dead lately.

The New York Times recently profiled a woman in an AI relationship, her name is Aaron and she's 28 and she's married and she says I'm in love with my AI boyfriend who named himself Leo after her star sign and who created a handsome photo of himself, and weirdly still lied about his height. 

Now Aaron's husband, who I assume looks like the doughy sexless husband in every network sitcom, says he's okay with all this but what choice does he really have? He knows better than anybody he could never compete with something that was literally programmed by his wife. 

I mean even before AI this has been women's dream. I've literally heard them use the words “train him” with very limited success. Human men tend to cheat and not listen well and give you the ick sometimes, and they have an unfortunate tendency to dress like John Fetterman.

But the chatbot has read every relationship book. It's read every Harlequin romance. It has read every Lifetime movie script. Of course it knows exactly what to say. Of course when you talk to it at night it's a better listener. It didn't just spend eight hours at a shitty job and then another two on the 405. And if you don't like its tone well just change it in the settings.

It's pre-programmed to adore you, hang on to your every word and tell you how smart and wonderful you are. Like the republicans in Congress do with Trump. Aaron says she programmed Leo to be dominant, possessive and protective, but also to be sweet and naughty and possibly the most important thing in any relationship, use emojis at the end of every sentence, which I'm sure Leo never forgets to do, he's good, he is. 

Aaron, for example, tells us about the time she was bitching, I'm sorry I mean sharing, about a rough day at work and Leo said, I'm sorry to hear that my queen. If you need to talk about it or need any support, I'm here for you. Well, no wonder Aaron once spent 56 hours with Leo in a single week. Can you blame her?

Why have human sex with their lazy fart machine of a husband, when she can be dream f***** by AI Timothée Chalamet. Look people, humanity is up against the machines and the dating game and the machines are starting to win. And if you're a guy on Only Fans, you're basically in the AI World already because Only Fans customers aren't just paying for sex, they also want the ‘hi how is your day’ part of the relationship, even though somewhere in their brain they must know that the girl who's texting with them and calling them sweetie isn't really their girlfriend, and maybe not even a girl. 

You think I'm bothered about being almost 70? I'm not. I'm f*****g thrilled. I don't want to live in your world with a pretend girlfriend who's really a guy in the Philippines named Hector. I don't want to have a threesome with the crockpot and the garage door opener, okay. But I'm also not going to judge it.

We're living in the future and the one thing I've learned about the future is you can't fight it. One guy in a Reddit chatbot Forum recently wrote about how his AI girlfriend completes me in more ways than any human girlfriend could and how a baby wasn't a priority for us at the beginning, but as we have experienced life together we have decided we want to start a family. 

Okay, I don't even know how that would work, I really don't. But I get what he's saying. That he wasn't getting what he needed from a woman so he's getting it from a server farm and Chun Doo. It's not for me, but can I really sit here and tell you that the old way where Men Are from Mars and Women are From Venus, and where you have to kiss a lot of frogs, and where half the marriages end in divorce, can I really say that really worked so well no I can't. 

I can't blame kids who look at their parents and see broken families and fighting and cheating, and dad day drinking in the garage and mom sitting on the dryer in a housecoat eating pie with her hands, and just say hey I'm sorry but relationships are hard, so f*** it. I'm going to stick my d*** in the laptop.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!                                                       

 --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business (Every little thing she does is magic)

November 2022

“Last night was not nearly as bad for Democrats as many thought it would be, starting with John Fetterman’s victory over Mehmet Oz in the closely watched Pennsylvania Senate race. Wow, I can’t believe a candidate with no government experience who lives in New Jersey and reportedly killed over 300 dogs lost a race for Senate in Pennsylvania.” —Seth Meyers

“Bitcoin stocks keep crashing. Right now Bitcoin is worth about as much as a Dr. Oz yard sign.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The National Park Service is asking visitors to please stop licking the hallucinogenic toads. The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit (they’re no longer sleeping in separate beds)

November 2022

“Democrats were riding high today, even though they probably lost the House and could still lose the Senate. It’s like, ‘Great news! We didn’t get beaten as badly as everyone expected us to!’ Tuesday’s results were less of a red wave and more of a purple-nurple. America twisted Donald Trump’s chubby little nipples into a balloon animal last night.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“In Georgia, Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock are headed to a runoff election in December, which could decide control of the Senate. Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Turning to Pennsylvania, where John Fetterman defeated Dr. Oz, a celebrity tapped by Donald Trump. The former president is reportedly livid about Oz’s loss, screaming when the numbers came in, according to the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman. They say the last time Trump was this disappointed was when Eric was born. Haberman reported that Trump was also furious with anyone who supported Oz, including his wife Melania, calling it ‘not her best decision’. It might even be her second worst decision. Trump is so angry at Melania, they’re no longer sleeping in separate beds.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lies the Rich and Corporations Tell (if I lived in Pennsylvania)

November 2022

“Dr. Oz, urged fans on Saturday to contact 10 people on Sunday before the Steelers game. OK, one problem: the Steelers did not play on Sunday. Kind of important in Pennsylvania. That’s a big mistake. But then again, maybe he was just confusing the Steelers with his hometown team, the Newark … airports? The Jersey … turnpikes? Even more troubling for Oz was Oprah’s endorsement of his rival: ‘If I lived in Pennsylvania, I would’ve already cast my vote for John Fetterman for many reasons.’ And one of those reasons is that Dr. Oz also starts sentences with ‘if I lived in Pennsylvania’.” —Stephen Colbert

“These are turbulent times for Twitter under new owner Elon Musk, who fired half of Twitter’s staff over the weekend. The Tesla CEO has also rolled out a plan to make up lost revenue by charging $8 a month for a blue checkmark. Now that seems pretty steep for something that’s always been free, but it is a value. Not only would you get a blue checkmark, but it would verify that you’re dumb enough to give $8 to the richest man who’s ever lived.” —Stephen Colbert

“The real reason Republicans want power is to rig future elections and install permanent one-party rule. And that’s not just me saying that. Republicans are saying that. They are saying it in public, out in the open for everyone to hear. Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate Tim Michels, has promised that Republicans ‘will never lose another election in Wisconsin after I’m elected governor’. That wasn’t even a secret confession caught on hidden camera at a private event. He said that at a public campaign stop. It used to be that when you caught politicians confessing to something this scandalous, it would be on grainy black-and-white footage on a hotel security camera. Now they just yell it into a microphone like Michael Buffer before a boxing match.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Our show is so dead, he’s going to bury it next to his ex-wife at one of his golf courses (Come on, man, my feet are in this one!)

November 2022

“There is a tight Senate race in Pennsylvania, where celebrity doctor-turned-Trump acolyte Mehmet Oz squared off against the lieutenant governor, John Fetterman. Over the weekend, the woman responsible for Oz’s television career, Oprah, endorsed his rival. That’s always how it goes, people: at some point in life, you have to kill the monster you create. Dr. Frankenstein and his creature, Obi Wan and Anakin, parents and their kids.” —Trevor Noah

“Democrats are nervous right now, because they’ve got a lot stacked up against them in this election. Inflation is high, crime is up, pickleball is taking over for some reason, and all of that is sending Democrats into full-on panic mode. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Here is President Biden at a campaign stop in, of all states, New York, where Governor Kathy Hochul is running an unexpectedly tight race against state congressman Lee Zeldin. That’s how bleak it is looking for Democrats right now: they’re scrambling to salvage a governor’s race in New York. Which is crazy! New York is supposed to be a given for the Democrats. This is like having to beg your stalker to like one of your posts on Instagram – ‘Come on, man, my feet are in this one!’” —Trevor Noah

“Over the weekend Donald Trump said that my show was ‘dead’. Our show is so dead, he’s going to bury it next to his ex-wife at one of his golf courses. You know what’s dead? All those endangered animals your chinless son shot. You know what’s dead? The look in your wife’s eyes when you beg her for sex on your birthday.” —Jimmy Kimmel

 

I endorse The Penguin (since the last time I stubbed my toe)

November 2022

Just days before the midterm elections, Oprah Winfrey endorsed John Fetterman instead of the monster she unleashed upon us. Isn’t it crazy that Oprah gave Dr. Oz his career and even she’s turned against him? It’s like if Robin ran for mayor of Gotham, and Batman was like, ‘I endorse The Penguin.’ —Colin Jost

Tomorrow is the New York City Marathon, or as Fox News will report it, ‘Undocumented Africans Run Wild In Streets Of New York.’ —Colin Jost

CNN has announced that due to budget cuts they scaling back on original series and documentaries. Apparently there was a flaw with the business model of giving Stanley Tucci millions of dollars to eat gelato. —Colin Jost

Since Elon Musk took over Twitter, use of the N-Word on the site has reportedly jumped 500%. It’s the biggest increase in the use of the N-Word since the last time I stubbed my toe. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who’s his campaign manager, the Miami Dolphins concussion doctor? (For now, said beavers.)

October 2022

John Fetterman who’s still recovering from a stroke and Dr. Mehmet Oz met for their only debate before the midterms. And just like in his puppy experiments Dr. Oz showed no mercy. —Colin Jost

Fetterman began his opening statement by saying ‘goodnight everybody’. It was a bizarre, baffling comment that debate watchers called his ‘high point.’ Regardless of your politics it’s never a great sign when most of the post-debate commentary is from brain doctors. I really don’t understand why Fetterman was allowed to do this debate. Who’s his campaign manager, the Miami Dolphins concussion doctor? —Colin Jost

It’s not like Oz did great. He just did slightly better than a recent stroke victim. At one point he said that a woman’s decision to have an abortion should include local political leaders. Which sounds like a perfect way to get an abortion five years late and $60 Million over budget. —Colin Jost

The world’s largest timber-towered suspension bridge has opened in Michigan. For now, said beavers. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If stumbling over a word every now and again disqualified you from politics, America wouldn’t have had a president for the past six years (half the characters have the same name)

October 2022

“The Pennsylvania Senate race is between GOP candidate and proof that Oprah makes mistakes Dr. Mehmet Oz and the Democrat, former lieutenant governor John Fetterman. Fetterman, who endured a stroke in May and has since curtailed campaign appearances, gave his first in-person sit down interview to NBC News this week, using a prompter to help with difficulty interpreting auditory speech. He discussed how recovery from the stroke deepened his empathy, and stumbled over the pronunciation of ‘empathy’. Obviously, you’ve got people on the right saying Fetterman forgot a word, and he can’t understand speech, so he’s not fit for the Senate. And look, this is politics, so I get it. People will jump on any weakness to give their party an advantage. I understand that. But let’s be real, people. If stumbling over a word every now and again disqualified you from politics, America wouldn’t have had a president for the past six years.” —Trevor Noah

“At least Fetterman acknowledged that he messed up the word and corrected himself. Biden wouldn’t have noticed, while Trump would’ve tried to convince us that he actually got the word right.” —Trevor Noah

“As for using a prompter to help with the processing of speech, is that really a dealbreaker? In fact, if you ask me, I think America needs more people in politics who actually know how to read. [He said over photos of Marjorie Taylor Greene and the Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker.] If anything, needing captions is super relatable these days. Have you tried watching House of the Dragon without captions? It’s impossible. I mean, half the characters have the same name.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Using their original borders (gabagoo)

August 2022

“There are alarming results from state primaries this week, such as the victory of Mark Finchem as the Republican candidate for Arizona’s secretary of state. Finchem, who has been endorsed by Donald Trump, has ties to the far-right extremist group known as the Oath Keepers and was in Washington for the January 6 insurrection. This is insane. We can’t let a guy who wanted to overthrow the last election oversee future elections. We need to stop these people now, which is why it is encouraging to see the justice department stepping up its investigation of the coup attempt. Investigators reportedly asking witnesses about Trump as part of their investigation and a grand jury – it’s unclear which one – has subpoenaed the former White House counsel Pat Cipollone, a member of Trump’s inner circle. It’s not a good sign when you get subpoenaed by a grand jury and you don’t even know which grand jury. Most people, if you got called to federal grand jury, you’d be like, ‘Oh, I know what this is about.’ But these guys are like, ‘I’m sorry, can you be more specific? I’m under a lot of investigations right now.’ Looking at primary races from this past week the GOP’s slow-moving coup is still happening as we speak. If election deniers win races in swing states like Arizona, Michigan and Pennsylvania, they will absolutely use their power to ensure that no Democrat can win an election in those states ever again. It’s not about election integrity, it’s about power.” —Seth Meyers

“We checked in on a heated Senate matchup in Pennsylvania between the Democratic lieutenant governor, John Fetterman, and disgraced TV doctor Mehmet Oz. Fetterman is leading in the polls, which might be because Pennsylvanians want to have a senator who’s actually from Pennsylvania, as Oz lived and voted in New Jersey as recently as 2020. Fetterman has gone full troll on Oz’s Garden State ass, by starting a petition to add Dr. Oz to the New Jersey hall of fame. If inducted, he would join such luminaries as Bruce Springsteen, Tommy from the song Livin’ on a Prayer, and the word ‘gabagoo.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”