"A retired Air Force
colonel said that U.S. military operations are already under way in Iran. You
know what that means, time to break out the old 'Mission Accomplished'
banner." --Jay Leno
"The Department of
Homeland Security announced they will be ready to deal with hurricanes in the
future. Like today, they called their cable company and ordered the weather
channel." --Jay Leno
"The Bush
administration says they want to declare all golf course water hazards as
protected wetlands. It's part of their plan to save restricted country
clubs." --David Letterman
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