Sorry, Lincoln, you're a loser and you are out (5 deferments)

Donald Trump also offered birthday wishes on Twitter this week. He wrote, "President Obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the United States." It's sweet, though, because he said "perhaps," and he wouldn't do that on any other day. –Jimmy Kimmel

You know if Trump becomes president, he's definitely going to make his birthday a national holiday, right? "Sorry, Lincoln, you're a loser and you are out." –Jimmy Kimmel

Our friends in North Korea are said to be working on a big new project. Sometime in the next 10 years North Korea is hoping to plant a flag on the moon. And by that they mean they're looking for someone who can Photoshop a picture of their flag on the moon. –Jimmy Kimmel