"Despite President
Bush saying last week that the national anthem should only be sung in English,
it was revealed several times during his 2000 presidential campaign the song
was performed in Spanish. Bush said that his comments last week were based on
'intelligencia malo.'" --Amy Poehler
"According to a
national response plan, the U.S. government forecasts massive disruption if
bird flu arises, with as much as 40% of the national workforce off the job.
It's called the 'Holy God, what the hell is going on? What do you mean Jim's
dead? Everyone shut up. I need to think. Are you coughing? Oh great, now we're
all dead' plan." --Amy Poehler
"While speaking in
Atlanta on Thursday, Defense Secretary
Donald Rumsfeld was repeatedly interrupted by angry protesters, with one
woman shouting, 'This man needs to be imprisoned for war crimes.' What makes it
worse is that he was speaking at a Rumsfeld family reunion." --Tina Fey
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