the president blew out the candles on his vegan, whole-grain, carrot prune loaf

Sanitation is a big problem right now. The Olympic village is giving away thousands of condoms for the athletes to wear over their heads for the swimming events. –Jimmy Kimmel

Surfing and skateboarding will make history for the Olympics in 2020, in that these will be the first sports in which athletes will be tested to make sure they are doping. –Jimmy Kimmel

I want to wish a happy birthday to President Obama, who turned 55 today. Big celebration at the White House. The White House staff sang to him. Then the president blew out the candles on his vegan, whole-grain, carrot prune loaf. –Jimmy Kimmel