Yeah, I’ve already got one of those. It’s called God (So ladies: He’s single!)

Anthony Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, has decided to finally separate from him after his latest sexting scandal. So ladies: He’s single! –Jimmy Fallon

Mark Zuckerberg actually gave the Pope a drone. The Pope was like, “You mean it hovers above us and sees everything? Yeah, I’ve already got one of those. It’s called God.” –Jimmy Fallon

Queen Elizabeth is advertising for a housekeeping assistant to live and work in Buckingham Palace. The job would require dusting all the palace antiques — like chandeliers, vases, and Queen Elizabeth. –Jimmy Fallon