Or as Brazilians call that, "A weekend." (miss out on all the sex)

I saw that Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega has picked his wife to run as his vice presidential candidate. Then Bill and Hillary looked at each other for a second and went, "Nah, nah." –Jimmy Fallon

Apparently, the conditions in Rio are so bad that the U.S. basketball team has opted against staying in the Olympic village dorms, and is instead staying on a cruise ship that they've docked in the harbor. Now, I understand not wanting to stay in the Olympic village, but why would you switch to a cruise ship? You basically traded a diarrhea city for a floating diarrhea city. –James Corden

With the basketball players not being in the Olympic village, it means they're going to miss out on all the sex. Because I don't know if you've heard this but the Olympic committee announced they'll be handing out 350,000 condoms and 175,000 packets of lube. Or as Brazilians call that, "A weekend." –James Corden