It's like popping an Ambien before you watch the Weather Channel (Oh my God, where do we send the check?)

Let’s talk about Donald Trump, because we do it every night. He said that he may skip the next Republican debate on CNN unless the network pays him $5 million. But CNN laughed it off, saying, “We don't have $5 million.” CNN was like, “Fine, we'll just let Jeb Bush talk for two hours — oh my God, where do we send the check?” –Jimmy Fallon

The other big news is that Trump appointed Ben Carson as his secretary of Housing and Urban Development. That means Trump talked with Ben Carson and Al Gore on the same day, which is kind of like popping an Ambien before you watch the Weather Channel. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

JOKES: The Great Wall of Chimichanga (Spring Break)

Make no mistake: You turn on the Weather Channel, try to find out what’s going on, you see the meteorologists giving advice, telling you to be careful — make no mistake, those people are not on your side. Those people are rooting AGAINST us and FOR the weather, they’re rooting for the snow. –Jimmy Kimmel

If you are away on spring break, have fun, do whatever you need to do. Don’t forget Congress is about to take away your healthcare, so if you’re going to do something dumb, do it now while it’s still covered. –Jimmy Kimmel

"The United States Senate today took some steps to keep illegal immigrants out of our 'American Idol' competitions. They voted to build a 370-mile long fence along the border between the U.S. and Mexico. They also announced that they're going to hire illegal immigrant workers to build it. The Senators voted overwhelmingly for the fence. As I said, it is 370 miles long. Unfortunately, the actual border with Mexico is more than 2,000 miles long. So, I guess the message is 'go around.' Tentatively, they're calling it 'The Great Wall of Chimichanga.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It's like popping an Ambien before you watch the Weather Channel (58th Floor)

Al Gore met with Donald Trump today to discuss climate change. They probably talked about how climate change could lead to massive floods in places like New York City. Trump was like, “That’s why I live on the 58th floor.” –Jimmy Fallon

The other big news is that Trump appointed Ben Carson as his secretary of Housing and Urban Development. That means Trump talked with Ben Carson and Al Gore in the same day, which is kind of like popping an Ambien before you watch the Weather Channel. –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, Trump announced that the CEO of Disney will be advising his transition team. Thanks to him, Trump won’t have to build a wall anymore. He’ll just charge so much for admission that nobody will want to come in. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is still trying to decide who to nominate for Secretary of State. He’s reportedly considering David Petraeus, Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, John Bolton, and Jon Huntsman. Apparently, Trump is taking them all on a group date tonight, and one of them gets to join him in the fantasy suite. –Jimmy Fallon

The monster with the cane. She's the one terrorizing the country! (let’s go with the Trump tape!)

Anyone who expected Donald Trump to reel it in was way off the mark. He was on fire. He promised that if he was president he’d throw Hillary in jail. He called her the devil — not A devil, THE devil. Which I think might have been his way of coming on to her. –Jimmy Kimmel

A lot of post-debate analysis registered surprise that with all that was going on with Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton didn’t definitively win the debate. The truth is you don’t win a debate like that. You survive it. You board up the windows and you get in the basement. You curl up in a ball until it blows over. It’s like a tornado. –Jimmy Kimmel

The minute that tape came out, Hurricane Matthew just disappeared from television. The only channel that continued their round-the-clock coverage of the hurricane was Fox News because they didn’t want to talk about the Trump tape. Even the Weather Channel was like, “To hell with this, let’s go with the Trump tape!” –Jimmy Kimmel

It's part of their plan to save restricted country clubs (time to break out the old Mission Accomplished banner)

"A retired Air Force colonel said that U.S. military operations are already under way in Iran. You know what that means, time to break out the old 'Mission Accomplished' banner." --Jay Leno

"The Department of Homeland Security announced they will be ready to deal with hurricanes in the future. Like today, they called their cable company and ordered the weather channel." --Jay Leno

"The Bush administration says they want to declare all golf course water hazards as protected wetlands. It's part of their plan to save restricted country clubs." --David Letterman

escapist fantasy for adults/70s jive talk/God's thinking 60/40 chance of rain

"The Senate voted 63 to 34 to make English the official language of the United States, but they say as a largely symbolic amendment with no real effect. You know, kind of like that ethics bill." --Jay Leno

"Pat Robertson said this week that God told him that possibly a tsunami could hit the Pacific northwest this year. I don't want to be disrespectful, but possibly? Like God's thinking 60/40. Pat, that wasn't God. You fell asleep in front of the weather channel." --Jay Leno

"As part of the ongoing immigration debate, the Senate on Thursday voted 64 to 34 to make English America's national language. Coming in second: '70s jive talk." --Tina Fey

The weatherman blamed the cold front on...

"Studies are showing that Republican candidates are buying a lot of their ad time on the Weather Channel. You can tell because last night, the weatherman blamed the cold front on immigration and gay marriage." –Conan O'Brien



"Rick Santorum says Newt Gingrich is too hot, Mitt Romney is too cold, but he's the 'Goldilocks candidate.' Yes, nothing gets voters excited like comparing yourself to tepid porridge." –Craig Ferguson



John Hulse painting