So, boys, next time somebody says you throw like a girl, say "Thank you."

America just dominated the 2016 Olympics! That's right, we killed it. We got 121 medals! And I'm not surprised. I watched the Games here in the States — can't remember the channel — and from what I saw, apparently only Americans competed. Americans, and Usain Bolt. Of course, he's an honorary American, because Jamaica is basically tropical Colorado. –Stephen Colbert

And the majority of those American medals were won by female athletes. So, boys, next time somebody on the playground says you throw like a girl, say "Thank you." –Stephen Colbert

You stopped at a gas station for a pee break? C'mon, you're Olympic swimmers, you spend 90 percent of your lives in public pools. That's what the chlorine's for. –Stephen Colbert

Today, Ryan Lochte lost all four of his sponsors, including Speedo. And that's got to hurt, because they've been his biggest supporter — well, not biggest, but crucial. –Stephen Colbert