http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
JOKES: Cool story for her, not so much for the victims of her double homicide
President Trump
gave his first address to a joint session of Congress tonight. Now, our show
tapes early, so we don’t know what happened, but I’ll bet the people who were
there aren’t that sure what happened either. –Seth Meyers
During his
interview on “Fox & Friends,” President Trump was unable to name a time
when he felt he deserved criticism. Which is pretty surprising, since criticism
is the only thing in his life he’s actually earned. –Seth Meyers
A 100-year-old
Dutch woman recently persuaded local police to arrest her to fulfill an item on
her bucket list. Cool story for her, not so much for the victims of her double
homicide. –Seth Meyers
JOKES: The definition of Insanity
It’s come out that
83-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s daily workout routine
includes pushups, planks, and squats. Apparently she began seriously taking
care of her health last November 9th. –Conan O’Brien
According to a new
study, cats may have more potential than dogs to sniff out bombs. They just
won’t bother to tell you. –Seth Meyers
JOKES: Actually, I’m canceling ALL egg rolls, just to get back at China
It seems like
Trump’s been breaking with a lot of traditions since he took office. There’s
speculation that President Trump could cancel the annual White House Easter Egg
Roll. Then he said, “Actually, I’m canceling ALL egg rolls, just to get back at
China.” –Jimmy Fallon
Tonight, President
Trump is giving a prime-time speech before Congress. The speech will be on a
10-second delay so Trump can live-tweet about how great his speech is going.
–Conan O’Brien
Sunday night was
the first time that Amazon took home Oscars, winning two for “Manchester by the
Sea.” Although the CEO said, “With Amazon Prime, we could have gotten those
Oscars last Tuesday.” –Conan O’Brien
JOKES: I just open my mouth, and the best words come out (Must Be Nice)
Tonight President
Trump gave his big speech to Congress. I saw that beforehand, Democrats came
out with a “prebuttal” to counter some of Trump’s talking points. They say that
they know what Trump’s going say before he says it — or as Trump put it, “Must
be nice. I just open my mouth, and the best words come out.” –Jimmy Fallon
One of the big
issues that was expected to come up was immigration. Former Iranian President
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently wrote a 3,500-word letter to Trump criticizing his
immigration policy. When asked if he read the letter, Trump said, “I haven’t
even read my immigration policy!” –Jimmy Fallon
Trump’s new
Commerce Secretary is the vice-chairman of a bank that’s owned by Vladimir
Putin. You can tell the bank is owned by Putin, ’cuz both the pens AND the
tellers are chained to the desk. –Jimmy Fallon
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