Get them before they get you (2% Cherokee)

The genetic testing company 23andMe says it is bankrupt and, also, 2% Cherokee. —Colin Jost

Three teenage girls in Texas tried to stab their mother to death after she turned off the Wi-Fi. This story is brought to you by Plan B. Get them before they get you. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which explains why this morning's 9 a.m. Mass was held at 2 p.m (he must taste delicious)

You know how sometimes when priests go to the Vatican they bring gifts for the Pope from their home region? Recently, a priest from Kentucky decided to give Pope Francis 10 bottles of whiskey — 10 bottles of whiskey, because nine's just not enough. Apparently, the Pope loves the Father, the Son, and ALL of the holy spirits. He got 10 bottles of whiskey, which explains why this morning's 9 a.m. Mass was held at 2 p.m. --James Corden

A 20-year-old man from Colorado recently survived a shark bite in Hawaii. Less than a year before that, he was attacked by a 300-pound black bear. And a few years before that, he was bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking. Based on these incidents, we do know a lot about this man. For example, he must taste delicious.  --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean if anybody should be getting minimum wage, it's Congress (Well, how come I still can't find it?)

 

"Congress gave itself a big raise this week and voted against the minimum wage, which is kind of ironic. I mean if anybody should be getting minimum wage, it's Congress." --Jay Leno

Mike Huckabee's campaign is starting to taper off a little bit. Like for the big rallies, Chuck Norris just sends his stunt double." --Jay Leno

 

"And the Pentagon is now planning to shoot down a broken satellite that's falling to Earth. The satellite is the size of a school bus, and they want to blow it up before it hits us. Yeah. In fact the actual plan, they're going to have Roger Clemens throw a second school bus at it." --Jay Leno

"Well, a lot of people are saying Governor Sarah Palin really put Alaska on the map. To which President Bush said, 'Really? Well, how come I still can't find it?'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”