Ohio/no one asked the cow to do that

A farm in Ohio has the words “NO TRUMP” written so large in cow manure that it can be seen by overhead planes. The craziest part — no one asked the cow to do that. –Seth Meyers

NASA estimates that during his year in space, astronaut Scott Kelly drank almost 200 gallons of water filtered from his own urine and sweat. And then, on the last day, he found all the Fiji bottles he’d brought with him. –Seth Meyers

According to a recent survey, 15 percent of Americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle. –Seth Meyers

Mitt dripped mayonnaise on a new pair of chambray Dockers

Upon returning, astronaut Scott Kelly measured two inches taller. This is due to his vertebrae not being compressed in a low-gravity environment. And the fact that he started wearing heels. –James Corden

Mitt Romney this morning made a televised speech in which he went all in after Donald Trump. He called him a phony and a fraud. He said he's playing the American public for suckers. I haven't seen Mitt this fired up since that time he dripped mayonnaise on a new pair of chambray Dockers. –Jimmy Kimmel

Chris Christie was asked today about his vacant expression during Donald Trump’s Super Tuesday victory speech, and told reporters, “I wasn’t anything other than happy.” Well, if that expression means you’re happy, then my wife was thrilled when I forgot her birthday. –Seth Meyers

I thought he looked familiar

The latest polls show Donald Trump beating Marco Rubio in Rubio’s home state of Florida by 16 points. To win back Florida voters, Rubio has started doing meth. –Conan O’Brien

U.S. astronaut Scott Kelly is about to return to Earth after spending an entire year in space. Then he saw Donald Trump’s poll numbers and said, "You know, I’m good up here." –Conan O’Brien

It’s been announced that Vice President Joe Biden will be a presenter at Sunday night’s Oscars. So, diversity problem — solved! –Conan O’Brien

President Obama said that his very first job was scooping ice cream. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "I thought he looked familiar." –Conan O’Brien