You try staying awake through a Latin mass (It's embarrassing I have to keep explaining this)

February 2013

"Today the Pope made his last public appearance. That is, until the new season of 'Dancing With the Stars.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The Pope said that the past few years have been very difficult for the church and at times he felt that "the lord seemed to be asleep." When asked for comment the lord said, 'You try staying awake through a Latin mass.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Big international controversy about the Oscars. When they aired in Iran, the Iranian government digitally added sleeves to Michelle Obama's gown. They also altered the video so that Jennifer Lawrence is now deliberately tripped by the Israelis." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretty ambitious for a guy who’s never even gotten to second base (second highest paid actress)

Next week, former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow will hold a workout in Los Angeles to try and impress scouts from Major League Baseball. Pretty ambitious for a guy who’s never even gotten to second base. –Seth Meyers

After more than a year of promising mass deportations of undocumented immigrants, last night Donald Trump actually referred to them as “great people.” Even Ryan Lochte was like, “Get your story straight, man!” –Jimmy Fallon

Jennifer Lawrence was just named the world’s highest paid actress, bringing in $46 million last year before taxes. Yep, she narrowly beat out the world’s second highest paid actress: Hillary Clinton. –Jimmy Fallon

it is very confusing to the ball boys

Of course the other big story right now is Winter Storm Jonas, which could drop over two feet of snow on parts of the Northeast. Meteorologists say Winter Storm Jonas wasn't that strong until it left its brothers, Joe and Kevin. –Jimmy Fallon

Jennifer Lawrence is set to star in a biopic about a spy who became Fidel Castro's lover in the late 50s. I won't spoil why they broke up — but let's just say he had a bit of a “Cuban missile crisis.” –Jimmy Fallon

In an interview, tennis champ Andre Agassi admitted that he spent his entire career playing without underwear. Which, it turns out, is very confusing to the ball boys. –Conan O’Brien