“Russia has claimed that they are withdrawing some of its 150,000 troops from the border of Ukraine. Nato promptly disputed that claim, and if you’re feeling confused, that’s on purpose. Because according to the experts, the US and Russia are waging a signaling war to avert an actual war. Yes, a signaling war, just like in that famous movie: Semaphoring Private Ryan.” —Stephen Colbert
“In other Russia news, one of its elite figure skaters, 15-year-old Kamila Valieva, tested positive for a banned substance before the Winter Olympics in Beijing. Fifteen-year-olds on drugs should not be in the Olympics. They should be on Euphoria. Facing international outrage, Valieva claimed the drug got in her system via a mix-up with her grandfather’s heart medication. Yes, come on, you know how it goes! You’re in the kitchen and all of a sudden you trip and fall on to your grandpa’s day-of-the-week pill case. Now all of a sudden you’re skating around high on a cocktail of Centrum, Lipitor and Viagra.” —Stephen Colbert
“Because she is 15, Valieva is protected from certain sanctions, allowing her to still compete in the individual figure skating competition. They didn’t have a choice! If they didn’t allow her to skate, Putin would’ve just rolled her out there on a tank.” —Stephen Colbert
“On Thursday, Valieva faltered in her free skate program, dashing her hopes for a medal. But if she had finished in the top three, no medal ceremony would have been held for the event. They’ll just ship the medals out to whoever won them later, because every athlete trains their entire life for that magic moment when they can stand at attention on their stoop waiting for the UPS guy. Maybe ask the driver to honk the national anthem.” —Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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