Thursday, May 16, 2019

and I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." (don't book the deejay just yet)

Duchess Meghan Markle gave birth to a baby boy this morning, who is now seventh in line for the throne, which, if you ask me, is just unfair. Making a baby kill six people?  --Seth Meyers
According to Politico, former Vice President Joe Biden has been less touchy with voters on the campaign trail and is doing more selfies, and I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." --Seth Meyers
President Trump this weekend retweeted a post suggesting that he have two years added to his term in order to make up for the time taken up by the Russia investigation, and to make up for the time he's spent playing golf, he'll need at least an additional decade. --Seth Meyers
During an interview this weekend, former Defense Secretary Robert Gates was asked if he believes Joe Biden would be a good commander in chief and responded by pausing for several seconds and then saying, "I don't know." That is not a "yes." If you asked your girlfriend to marry you and she paused for several seconds and then said, "I don't know," you would not start booking a deejay. --Seth Meyers “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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