"Did you see Vladimir Putin and President Obama shake
hands today? They said something to each other. Of course, we don't know what
they said, nobody does — except the NSA, the KGB, and Edward Snowden."
–Jay Leno
"Happy
Rosh Hashanah. In honor of the Jewish new year, Mayor Bloomberg has banned the
16-ounce brisket." –David Letterman
"All eyes are on Obama because of Syria. He wants to use
military strikes. Even his allies don't agree with him. Britain wants to use
economic embargoes. France wants to use sarcasm." –Craig Ferguson
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