"A new
report says if Republicans want to win over young voters they need to get up to
date with technology. Well, the GOP is listening because today they told young
people everywhere to 'be prepared to receive a very exciting fax from
us.'" –Conan O'Brien
"The
same conservatives who were all for the Patriot Act are now freaked out about
this. They're like, 'When we said the president could do whatever the f*ck he
wanted, we didn't mean a black guy.'" –Bill Maher
"Edward Snowden
went to China to avoid government persecution. That's like going to Ireland to
avoid getting drunk." –Jimmy Fallon
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