Answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself? (He was two seconds away from pretending he doesn’t speak English)

“The only story that everybody’s talking about right now is Tiger King, the new Netflix series that’s somehow even more viral than Covid-19. The five-hour docu-series taking over conversations across America is the most fascinating show you’ve ever seen. It exposes the sordid and loopy world of exotic animal breeding in America, while also answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself?” —Trevor Noah

“Now, these protests have clearly been infused with far-right ideology. Many demonstrators wore MAGA hats, they held up anti-Semitic signs and in Michigan, they even waved Confederate flags, a clear symbol of Michigan’s proud Southern heritage.” — Trevor Noah

“At his press conference Trump played footage from Monday’s press conference but he refused to address what was achieved in February. It was a masterclass in dodging the question. He was two seconds away from pretending he doesn’t speak English.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

also answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself? (Wait 'til she meets Jesus)

 

“I don’t understand how Donald Trump has never heard of the person in charge of finding the vaccine to the disease that has shut down the entire world — and don’t tell me it’s because he’s too busy. I mean, this is the same man — the same man who says he’s been watching every nightly news show plus CNN, MSNBC in the morning, Fox News on weekend afternoons, and even reruns of baseball. Reruns! Let me tell you something: If you have time to watch reruns of baseball, you have time for anything. Baseball is boring when it’s happening. Watching it in reruns is like watching paint dry through a PowerPoint presentation.” — Trevor Noah

“The only story that everybody’s talking about right now is Tiger King, the new Netflix series that’s somehow even more viral than Covid-19. The five-hour docu-series taking over conversations across America is the most fascinating show you’ve ever seen. It exposes the sordid and loopy world of exotic animal breeding in America, while also answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself?” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

everybody talks about it, but nobody actually experiences it (just hire the Texas A&M marching band)

November 2021

“Experts are hoping that the new strain of Covid,  Omicron ends up being like the second season of ‘Tiger King’ where everybody talks about it, but nobody actually experiences it.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, we need another variant like we another turkey sandwich for lunch.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But the White House said it would take two weeks to have definitive data on the new strain. That’s right, even our Covid information has shipping delays. Unbelievable!” —Jimmy Fallon

“Due to concern over delivery times, many holiday shoppers are stockpiling their favorite gifts. That’s why really smart shoppers don’t wait till Black Friday – they start trampling people weeks ago. One survey found that 20% of shoppers plan to order more gifts in case some orders are delayed or canceled. So if you’re doing the 12 days of Christmas, be safe and double your order. That’s 16 maids a-milking, that’s 20 lords a-leaping, and forget about 12 drummers drumming – just hire the Texas A&M marching band.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I really miss the laughs, the energy, and of course, keeping the lost wallets (On the Road to Guillotineland)

March 2021

“Well, it’s been exactly one year since we’ve had an audience, and I’ve got to say, I really miss the laughs, the energy, and of course, keeping the lost wallets.” —Seth Meyers

“I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everything was shutting down, people were scared, grocery stores were ransacked, so I got up on a chair in the office and gave an inspirational speech where I said to my staff, ‘Gang, I know you’re terrified, but this is our moment. People are counting on us. So let’s get out there and put on the best [expletive] show of our lives!’ And then I looked down and the room was empty except for a tumbleweed that rolled past, stole a bottle of Purell off my desk and then left.” —Seth Meyers

“It’s also been one year since we all trapped ourselves inside our homes with stockpiles of gin and red wine, watching ‘Tiger King’ and ‘Love Is Blind’ while clinging to our last shreds of toilet paper like a plank floating in the water after a shipwreck.” —Seth Meyers

“The Stimulus bill is enormously popular, with 75% of Americans and 59% of Republicans approving the measure, and yet Republicans have derided it as a so-called partisan bill. But some of the most galling behavior, came from Republicans who tried to take credit for aspects of the bill while still voting against it, such as Senator Roger Wicker, a ‘no’ vote who tweet-bragged about stimulus money for small businesses. I know these guys are shameless, but I’m still shocked. They’re the kind of guys who would run out and try and lift Tom Brady on their shoulders while wearing Chiefs jerseys.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

we’re just a few days away from Trump claiming that he was the first person to wear a mask (Wage Stealers)

July 2020

On President Trump’s first public appearance in a mask during a weekend visit to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. “Yeah, it was a really smart move — if today were March 13th. You know, we’re just a few days away from Trump claiming that he was the first person to wear a mask.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Years from now, that mask will be in the Smithsonian, and none of us will be able to see it because we’ll still be in lockdown.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Wow, only four months too late. What’s he going to do next, drag his Christmas tree out to the curb? Start making sourdough starter and watching ‘Tiger King’? Govern?” — Seth Meyers

“It took Trump just as long to learn that masks work as it did for him to learn that Lincoln was a Republican.” — Seth Meyers

“A few hours later, he was wearing it as a banana hammock.” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

something tells me you give zero [expletive] (OK, calm down, your honor)

“Now, look, I do sympathize with people in Wisconsin. I mean, even in normal times, they only get to be outside, like, two months a year. I mean, their weather is a natural lockdown. But here’s the thing that gets me — I understand people who feel like getting kids in school, getting back to work and reopening doctors’ offices is worth the risk of coronavirus. Right? I get it. I understand where you are coming from. But if the first thing you do when you’re not locked down is pack yourself into bars where you’re spraying into each other’s faces, something tells me you give zero [expletive].” —Trevor Noah

“In the ruling, one justice made an especially stunning comparison, saying, ‘This comprehensive claim to control virtually every aspect of a person’s life is something we normally associate with a prison, not a free society governed by the rule of law.’ OK, calm down, your honor. If this was prison, you wouldn’t be sitting on your couch watching ‘Tiger King,’ you’d be his cellmate.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That’s like frisking Mother Teresa on her way out of the orphanage (I argued with a Liberal)

“The only story that everybody’s talking about right now is Tiger King, the new Netflix series that’s somehow even more viral than Covid-19. The five-hour docu-series taking over conversations across America is the most fascinating show you’ve ever seen. It exposes the sordid and loopy world of exotic animal breeding in America, while also answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself?” —Trevor Noah

“Now, every American is grateful for all of our heroic medical workers, and we want to make sure they get all the supplies they need. All of us want that. Well, except for this one guy. (cutting to a video of Trump wondering if masks were disappearing “out the back door”.) Really? Accusing medical workers of stealing masks? That’s like frisking Mother Teresa on her way out of the orphanage.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile states are anxious over dwindling medical supplies such as masks, gloves and ventilators, yet Trump, because he can’t ever be at fault for anything, has suggested that someone at the hospitals must be stealing them. Did you see Trump’s press conference in which he wondered if masks were ‘going out the back door?’ What on earth? Is he implying that after work, these nurses get off their 12-hour shifts and steal masks so they can go sand a deck in their backyard? You know when you overhear something at another table at a restaurant that’s so crazy you want to say something, but your wife tells you not to and then you think about it all night? Our president is the guy sitting at that table.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”