the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full (and honestly after a few beers, I would)

Apple has launched a new feature called Pay Later that lets users spread out payments for Apps over the course of six weeks. And this has also launched my new favorite insult, 'Your momma’s so poor she put Candy Crush on layaway'. —Colin Jost

Doctors in Nepal saved a man after he inserted a water glass into his rectum for sexual gratification and it got stuck. But I think the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full. —Colin Jost

A sperm donor in the Netherlands, who allegedly fathered more than 500 children is being sued for increasing the risk of ‘accidental incest’ among the kids. Accidental Incest is also the title of the worst American Pie sequel. —Colin Jost   

The New York City Fire Department rescued five children who got themselves lost in the Staten Island sewer system. While it’s hard to believe that a place that filthy and disgusting also has a sewer system. —Michael Che

Build-A-Bear has introduced a new RuPaul doll, and honestly after a few beers, I would. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow (Hershey's Just the Tips)

Hey, at one point in the game, I saw Tom Brady yelled out, "Reagan, Reagan," and the Patriots ran the ball to the right. Did you see that? Then later, the Rams ran a play called Trump, and they got sacked by Nancy Pelosi. --Jimmy Fallon

Oh, you guys, I'm now being told that during that last joke, five more Democrats announced they're running for president, and the Rams just punted again. For fun. They just did it for fun. --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- In a recent intelligence briefing, Trump thought Nepal was part of India. Then later Trump was like, "I know exactly where Nepal is." It's right in the middle of Adam Levine's chest. Yes, he has two. He has two Nepals." --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, the CEO of Hershey says that they're fixing the way they make Kisses so that the tips don't get broken off. That's a good move, because nobody was buying their new product, Hershey's Just the Tips. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”