in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated (No Relation)

According to a new poll, 55% of Americans are in favor of abolishing the electoral college, but unfortunately, because of the electoral college, 55% is less than half. --Seth Meyers

Due to this weekend's expected snowfall, experts are predicting a spike in usage of the dating app Tinder. But remember, in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated. –Seth Meyers

Actress Cynthia Nixon today announced her bid to run for New York governor, and she debuted her campaign slogan, “Nixon 2018: No Relation.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated (so hung over)

"This week Pope Francis is celebrating his first anniversary as Pope, and he tweeted to his 3.7 million followers 'Please pray for me.' I was a little surprised that he hashtagged it, 'so hung over.'" –Seth Meyers

Due to this weekend's expected snowfall, experts are predicting a spike in usage of the dating app Tinder. But remember, in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We give our biggest criminals bonuses (giant stockpile of meat)

Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that is National "Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office" Day. --Jimmy Fallon

"Mexico's government just offered a $2 million bounty on its top drug lords, which is different from what we do here in America. We give our biggest criminals bonuses." --Jimmy Fallon

Thanks to Donald Trump's trade policies, the U.S. now has a giant stockpile of meat. On the bright side, “giant stockpile of meat” is also a great nickname for Tinder. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

experiencing something like time-travel in a semi-conscious state (Someday I'll own this boot)

February 2023

“There is evidence that Fox News was knowingly lying to their viewers via court filings in the defamation lawsuit against Fox News by Dominion Voting Systems. According to text messages supplied in court, Fox hosts and executives privately trashed Trump and his legal team as ‘total BS’, ‘insane’, ‘mind-blowingly nuts’ or ‘reckless’ while continuing to support their baseless election fraud claims on the air. 

The very same Fox News anchors who constantly accused the so-called mainstream media of lying were themselves lying to their viewers and were admitting behind closed doors that they were lying to their viewers. 

And this supposed evidence they were giving for these claims was transparently insane on its face. Trump lawyer Sidney Powell, for instance, told Fox ahead of one appearance that her sole source for her election conspiracy claims was experiencing something ‘like time-travel in a semi-conscious state’. 

The lawsuit also revealed that Trump tried to call into Fox on January 6th, but the network refused to put him on air because they viewed it as ‘irresponsible’ and ‘could impact a lot of people in a negative way’. That is the most polite euphemism I’ve ever heard. That’s like Hannibal Lecter describing himself in his Tinder bio as a foodie with an adventurous palate.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races (Smallpox & Friends)

Yesterday on Fox & Friends, host Peter Hegseth made a rather unusual admission on air. Hegseth, “I don’t think I have washed my hands in ten years. Germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them, therefore they are not real.” He hasn’t washed his hands in ten years? Now this is ironic, because every time I watch Fox News I need to take a shower. It’s a pretty shocking revelation but that does explain why the show Fox & Friends will be changing its name to Smallpox & Friends. --James Corden

“All Trump’s lawyers have been terrible. I mean first Giuliani, now these guys. Trump is really bad at picking an effective lawyer, which I chalk up as great news for Melania.” —James Corden

A tech company has launched an app that aims to help ranchers find the perfect breeding partner for their cattle. It’s basically Tinder for livestock. Yeah, I know. You thought regular Tinder was a meat market. --James Corden

After last night's New Hampshire primary it looks like Chris Christie is out, which isn't surprising — he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The last time Kevin felt this abandoned in his house was the movie Home Alone (showing up for a Tinder date with a toothbrush)

January 2023

“The Republicans in the House of Representatives failed for the second day to elect a new speaker. They’ve been in power for two days, and so far putting Republicans in charge of the House has been like putting woodchucks in charge of your lawn.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The presumed next speaker, the California representative Kevin McCarthy, failed to reach the required number of votes six times in two days – who would’ve guessed that a bunch of insurrection apologists would have trouble certifying a vote? The last time Kevin felt this abandoned in his house was the movie Home Alone.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“McCarthy, a longtime Trump supporter, has been caucus-blocked by the Freedom Caucus, a group of far-right Republicans who view him as not far-right enough. Nevertheless, McCarthy already moved his stuff into the speaker’s office before the failed vote, which is like showing up for a Tinder date with a toothbrush.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The last time something like this happened was 100 years ago. And I’ll tell you something – Joe Biden solved it then, and he can solve it again now.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump offered tepid support for McCarthy on Wednesday, posting on Truth Social that he will do a good job, and maybe even a GREAT JOB. He gave a more forceful endorsement to stuffed crust pizza than to Kevin McCarthy. I have to admit, it’s fun to watch these animals stabbing each other in the back. It’s like the House of Cards, but everyone is Kevin Spacey.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if it turned out he tried to claim a deduction for a bribe (Tinder bio)

May 2021

“Trump has arguably confessed to multiple crimes in public, incited a violent insurrection, been impeached twice, was an unindicted co-conspirator in a hush money case, paid just $750 in federal income taxes while he was president, and did everything possible to hide his taxes from public view. At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if it turned out he tried to claim a deduction for a bribe.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump always manages to wriggle out of a jam. He’s like the David Blaine of crime. If he ever goes to trial, he’ll just regurgitate a frog that has ‘not guilty’ written on its back. If the feds come for him, he’ll hide out in a glass box over the Thames.” —Seth Meyers

“I mean, what else do we need? Trump to show up to a Fox interview with a shovel and a shirt that says, ‘I love burying bodies’?” —Seth Meyers

“In addition to being a potential crime, ‘unscrupulous asset evaluation’ sounds like something Trump would put under ‘interests’ on his Tinder bio.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You thought regular Tinder was a meat market (Smallpox & Friends)

President Trump took to Twitter to make an important policy announcement. I’m kidding, he never does that. Trump went on Twitter to brag that no president has ever worked harder than him. He might be right, the entire time he was president, Abraham Lincoln didn’t tweet once. But you try running a country while simultaneously paying off porn stars, mounting defenses for multiple federal investigations and teaching your vice president how to smile like a human being. That will wear you out. It’s exhausting work. --James Corden

Yesterday on Fox & Friends, host Peter Hegseth made a rather unusual admission on air. Hegseth, “I don’t think I have washed my hands in ten years. Germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them, therefore they are not real.” He hasn’t washed his hands in ten years? Now this is ironic, because every time I watch Fox News I need to take a shower. It’s a pretty shocking revelation but that does explain why the show Fox & Friends will be changing its name to Smallpox & Friends. --James Corden

A tech company has launched an app that aims to help ranchers find the perfect breeding partner for their cattle. It’s basically Tinder for livestock. Yeah, I know. You thought regular Tinder was a meat market. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, this makes Tinder profiles look honest (#WheresMitch)

Obviously Trump was very irritated by Nancy Pelosi’s letter refusing to allow him to give his State of the Union address. So, we know one of the side effects of excessive tanning. Very thin skin. --James Corden

It turns out Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen paid a tech company to create a fake Twitter account called - and this is true - “Women for Cohen.” In the bio section of the web page it says, “Women who love and support Michael Cohen. Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference!” I mean, this makes Tinder profiles look honest. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

American Horror Story: Apocalypse (giant stockpile of meat)

Thanks to Trump's trade policies, the U.S. now has a giant stockpile of meat. On the bright side, “giant stockpile of meat” is also a great nickname for Tinder. --Jimmy Fallon

It just came out that the next season of "American Horror Story" will be called "American Horror Story: Apocalypse." But the producers also considered some other names for the new season that are even scarier. For instance, they almost went with "American Horror Story: The Line at Whole Foods." --Jimmy Fallon

Next there’s "American Horror Story: Your Phone Is at 5 Percent and Nobody at Work Has a Charger You Can Borrow." --Jimmy Fallon

Finally, there is "American Horror Story: You Got Antsy, Switched Lanes, and Now the Other Lane Is Moving, But You Are Stuck."  --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Then someone told Trump that it's not illegal for women to vote (Dry Tinder)

There is so much meat on the news bone today that I don't know where to start carving. So, let's just unhinge our jaw and swallow this cow from the head down. When you're talking about Washington, the head is Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert

Ever since the FBI raided his lawyer Michael Cohen’s offices, the walls have been closing in on the president, and he's not happy. One source said, "We're at a different level now. He's losing his (bleep)." And another just said, "Jesus take the wheel." Buddy, I hate to tell ya, Jesus flung the door open a few miles back and then tucked and rolled into a ditch. Those footprints in the sand are running straight into the ocean screaming. --Stephen Colbert

And Donald Trump is ready to take drastic action against everyone investigating him, no matter who. One Trump friend told Vanity Fair, "I could see him having a total meltdown and saying, '(bleep) it, I'm firing all of them.' This is very dry tinder. If someone strikes a match to it, you could see it catching fire." "Dry Tinder," by the way, is how Mike Pence met his wife. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Speaking words of wisdom...Covfefe (we know Trump is lying because we can hear him)

According to reports, adult film star Stormy Daniels took a polygraph test in 2011 about her relationship with President Trump, and the examiner found there was a more than 99 percent probability she told the truth about their affair. And we know Trump is lying because we can hear him. --Seth Meyers

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding cake will be lemon elderflower instead of the traditional fruitcake. Incidentally, "Lemon Elderflower" is the name Queen Elizabeth uses on Tinder. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

you use it to learn Klingon (24% shot this morning)

People who ran the L.A. marathon said it was nice to finally get from downtown Los Angeles to Santa Monica in less than four hours. --Conan O’Brien

Vladimir Putin has been re-elected to a fourth term as president of Russia. The final vote tally was: 76% Putin, 24% shot this morning. --Conan O’Brien

Language-teaching app Duolingo recently added Klingon to its course selection. By the way, if you have the Duolingo app on your phone and you use it to learn Klingon, you can delete Tinder. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Do as I say, not as I paid someone $130,000 to shut up about my doing (Tillerson’s roommates)

Under President Trump, abstinence-only education is making a comeback. Or as Trump told teenagers, “Do as I say, not as I paid someone $130,000 to shut up about my doing.” --Conan O’Brien

President Trump fired his secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, on Twitter. It makes sense when you consider that Trump hired Tillerson on Tinder. --Conan O’Brien

Rex Tillerson reportedly doesn’t know why he was fired. At least, that’s according to Tillerson’s roommates, Sean Spicer and Omarosa. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Unfortunately, it was on Tinder (Doughnuts Across America)

After meeting with Democratic leaders, it seems like Trump changed his mind on DACA. Democrats were like, “Yeah, we told him it stood for Doughnuts Across America.” –Jimmy Fallon

I read about a brother and sister in Michigan who reunited after 50 years apart. Unfortunately, it was on Tinder. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Are our standards low enough? (Lower. We're going for the record!)

Dozens of Democratic members of Congress are boycotting Donald Trump's inauguration. Which is shocking because I didn't know there were still dozens of Democratic members of Congress. I guessed there were like two left. –Conan O’Brien

There's a new app out there that describes itself as Tinder for adopting babies. So one day, siblings will be taunting each other with, "Ha ha, mom right-swiped you. You shouldn't be here." –Conan O’Brien

They did every dirty thing he wanted and now he’s ignoring their texts (reading the instructions)

Well, there are only four days until Christmas. So, Hillary, just choose a tree already. You’ve been in the woods long enough. Choose a tree and come home, Hillary. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump has now waited over four times longer than any other president-elect to hold a post-election press conference. He is basically treating the press like a Tinder date. They did every dirty thing he wanted and now he’s ignoring their texts. –Seth Meyers