I hope he doesn't bring bin Laden back to life (positive performance mark)

Donald Trump’s positive performance mark is now down to 35 percent. Only about a third of Americans polled say they’re happy with his job performance. Sixty-six percent say they don’t think he’s level-headed. In his defense, how is his head supposed to stay level when his hair keeps trying to chase every squirrel? –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump has decided to do away with what's known as the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals — DACA, they call it. It's a program that gives undocumented immigrants whose parents brought them into the country when they were children the chance to work and go to school legally. And this is what he wants to do away with. Mostly because President Obama's the one who ordered it. It seems like his main agenda is just to undo everything Obama did. I hope he doesn't bring bin Laden back to life. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I hope he doesn't bring bin Laden back to life (10 percent approval rating)

President Trump has decided to do away with what's known as the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals — DACA, they call it. It's a program that gives undocumented immigrants whose parents brought them into the country when they were children the chance to work and go to school legally. And this is what he wants to do away with. Mostly because President Obama's the one who ordered it. It seems like his main agenda is just to undo everything Obama did. I hope he doesn't bring bin Laden back to life. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn't win is going to look great on her resume. –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That was the hurricane that spanked the Gulf Coast, right? (the pigs that fly will solve world hunger)

To avoid another shutdown, all that needs to happen is Congress has to agree on how to fix our entire immigration system in 17 days. And once they do that, the pigs that fly will solve world hunger. --Stephen Colbert

And the leverage that Chuck Schumer thinks he’s got is that voters will all remember, 17 days from now, that Mitch McConnell promised to hold a vote on DACA by February 8. Can you remember what happened 17 days ago? I can’t. I’m guessing in two days we’re going to forget the name Stormy Daniels. That was the hurricane that spanked the Gulf Coast, right? --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Taken 4: Oops, All Kidnappers (because I’m lying right now, we didn’t win)

Tonight was the long-awaited, rescheduled day that Donald Trump announced his fake media awards, the Fakies. And I’m proud to say that at 5:15 today, “The Late Show” won Fakest in Late Night. On behalf of everyone here at “The Late Show” I just want to say thank you, sir. And I would say I’m humbled, but I think we deserve it — in part because I’m lying right now, we didn’t win. --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile, this is good news: We still have a government for, like, 48 hours, something like that. You see, after the breakdown of DACA negotiations, Congress is hurtling toward a government shutdown. Well, maybe not hurtling. The average age of a U.S. senator is 62, so shambling. --Stephen Colbert

Despite controlling the presidency and both houses of Congress, the GOP needs Democratic votes to keep the government open. The Democrats will only do that if Trump supports DACA, but Trump will only agree to DACA if he gets his border wall. It’s all detailed in the new thriller [pic of Trump and congressional leaders] “Taken 4: Oops, All Kidnappers.” --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Don't Question Authority (Double-Crossing Dick)

The president made some comment last week about foreign countries. So this is the point in the show where we find out what CBS will let me say when I try to repeat what the president said. --James Corden

As you know, last week President Trump pleasantly referred to many foreign countries as “s***holes.” Yesterday, Trump attacked Sen. Dick Durbin for confirming what he said behind closed doors, tweeting: “Senator Dicky Durbin totally misrepresented what was said at the DACA meeting.” The most upsetting part of this tweet is not Trump’s attack; it’s that the best nickname Trump could come up with for Dick Durbin is Dicky Durbin. He just added a “y.” That’s not the Trump we know. What happened to the Trump that came up with Lyin’ Ted Cruz and Crooked Hillary? Put some effort into it! How about Double-Crossing Dick? Or Disturbin’ Durbin? --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Which means somebody is going to have some very high pants to fill (But I repeat myself)

President Trump said today he would not sign a bill to replace the DACA immigration program that does not include funding for a border wall. OK, can we just tell him it's been built already? He's never going to Mexico to check. Just tell him it's big and beautiful and at the ribbon cutting Hillary Clinton fell over onto the Mexico side. And then we can just finally move on. --Seth Meyers

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie gave his final State of the State address yesterday before leaving office next week. (picture of Christie) Which means somebody is going to have some very high pants to fill. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Unfortunately, it was on Tinder (Doughnuts Across America)

After meeting with Democratic leaders, it seems like Trump changed his mind on DACA. Democrats were like, “Yeah, we told him it stood for Doughnuts Across America.” –Jimmy Fallon

I read about a brother and sister in Michigan who reunited after 50 years apart. Unfortunately, it was on Tinder. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Two More Months and It Ain’t My Problem (no Action)

President Trump tweeted this morning quote, “For all of those (DACA) that are concerned about your status during the six-month period, you have nothing to worry about — no action!” Incidentally, “no Action” was also part of Donald and Melania’s marriage contract. –Seth Meyers

President Trump held a press conference today with the emir of Kuwait. And journalists were all provided with translators so they could understand what Trump was saying. –Seth Meyers

     

"Earlier tonight, President Bush gave a speech about the Wall Street financial crisis. The title of Bush’s speech was 'Two More Months and It Ain’t My Problem.'" --Conan O'Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

You’d better not tweet — ohhh, you tweeted it! (Reverse Psych 101)

    

And this morning Trump continued to agree with Democrats when Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi talked Trump into tweeting out that immigrants affected by DACA should not be worried about being deported in the next six months. People are wondering how Pelosi got him to tweet what she wanted. I feel like I know exactly how she did it. She did the same thing that I do with my kids — all she had to do was tell Trump NOT to tweet. “You do not tweet that. Whatever you do, you do NOT tweet that. You’d better not tweet — ohhh, you tweeted it!” It’s Reverse Psych 101. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

All Trump needs are some ruby slippers, and he’s off to see the wizard!

Well guys, it is official — football has begun! I saw that the Patriots will play a game in Mexico this November. And once they’re down there, the rest of the league will say, “OK, build the wall! Quick — we have a chance!” –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, the New York Jets are 1000-to-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl. That means if you bet just one dollar... you will lose just one dollar. –Jimmy Fallon

Congressional leaders are still upset with President Trump’s decision on the DACA immigration plan. They called it “brainless,” “heartless,” and “cowardly.” All Trump needs are some ruby slippers, and he’s off to see the wizard! –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Once the water level dips down to your approval rating (I guess that's a threat)

I guess the good news is that despite the drought, the crops in North Dakota will still grow because of all of Trump's bull [bleep]. –James Corden

Donald Trump is now backpedaling a little bit regarding his decision to end DACA, the program that protects young undocumented immigrants from deportation. Last night Trump tweeted, "Congress now has six months to legalize DACA. If they can't, I will revisit this issue." Revisit the issue. I guess that's a threat. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Moses Trump (It’s a Small World After All)

Meanwhile, Disney CEO Bob Iger spoke out against Trump’s decision to end the DACA immigration program, calling it “cruel and misguided.” And so to get back at Disney, Trump deported all those singing dolls from “It’s a Small World.” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that some White House officials don't think Trump understands what ending DACA really means. In response, Trump said, "I know, but why don't you tell me so that I know that YOU know." –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

He's speaking in tongues at this point (Either way, pretty excited)

Harvey is an unprecedented disaster. I'm clear in saying that. That's true, right? Speaking of unprecedented disasters, Donald Trump. He went down to Texas and had a little trouble nailing the comforter-in-chief tone, like when he spoke to a group of locals and said, "What a crowd, what a turnout." That crowd was really excited to see Donald Trump. Or, they heard there'd be drinking water. Either way, pretty excited. –Stephen Colbert

There's a man-made disaster unfolding in Washington because the Trump administration has announced they're ending the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, or DACA. The thing is, the vast majority of Americans like this program, so by canceling it, Trump has stepped in some deep DACA. –Stephen Colbert

Earlier today, he tweeted, "Congress, get ready to do your job. DACA!" He loves the abbreviations. "DACA! MAGA! MAGA! DACA!" He's speaking in tongues at this point, is what is happening. –Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

I hope he doesn't bring bin Laden back to life (The Totality)

President Trump has decided to do away with what's known as the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals — DACA, they call it. It's a program that gives undocumented immigrants whose parents brought them into the country when they were children the chance to work and go to school legally. And this is what he wants to do away with. Mostly because President Obama's the one who ordered it. It seems like his main agenda is just to undo everything Obama did. I hope he doesn't bring bin Laden back to life. –Jimmy Kimmel

The president's spokesperson said it was a difficult decision, the president's been debating it for months, but ultimately Donald Trump believes that if these kids want to be American they have to do it the right way. By marrying Donald Trump. And that's as simple as that. –Jimmy Kimmel

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

the kids will still be Dreamers, but in more of a Nightmare on Elm Street sort of way

The immigrants who have benefited from DACA are called Dreamers. Jeff Sessions explained that the kids will still be Dreamers, but in more of a "Nightmare on Elm Street" sort of way. –James Corden

Already the states of New York and Washington say that they have plans to sue Trump over this. And that feels like a way to judge whether you're a good president or not. Ask yourself, "How many U.S. states are currently suing me right now?" If it's more than zero, you could improve. –James Corden

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

No, YOU’RE bad people (I volunteer as tribute)

Donald Trump decided to end DACA — a program that protects young undocumented immigrants from being deported. So, now, this means a lot of immigrants may get sent back to their native countries. When she heard this, Melania said, "I volunteer as tribute." –James Corden

The announcement was formally made by Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who spoke about the young people facing deportation. And, during the announcement, he said, "This does not mean they are bad people." To which everyone replied, "No, YOU’RE bad people." –James Corden

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Turns out it was just being paranoid (Do you want a hint?)

I also want to say congratulations to Serena Williams, who just welcomed a baby girl. The doctor gave the baby to Serena, then Serena returned it, then the doctor sent it back, then Serena returned it again, and won the point. It was amazing to watch. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that a sailboat near Greece that was in distress was busted for carrying 1,500 pounds of marijuana. Actually, the boat wasn't actually in distress. Turns out it was just being paranoid. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

In fact, she said that she can already feel it waving (Well, rules are rules)

It was announced today that President Trump is ending the DACA program, and may deport immigrants who came to the U.S. decades ago. Many people are outraged, while Melania was like, "Well, rules are rules." –Jimmy Fallon

Lot of celebrity babies are happening right now. It was just announced that Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their third child. Kate's very excited about the baby. In fact, she said that she can already feel it waving. –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans