Who does she think she is, herself? (What Pet Should I Get)

According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages every day, including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed?! Who does she think she is, herself? –Seth Meyers

A new book by Dr. Seuss came out today called "What Pet Should I Get." He was inspired to write it when his wife said, “I want a baby.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay (I always kept watch for the Viet Cong)

"Cindy McCain appeared at the Republican National Convention, and Vanity Fair took a look at an outfit she wore. The magazine priced it out at around $300,000. With that kind of money, you could buy an 11th house. Should we be nervous about a man who preaches against wasteful spending when his wife is wearing $300,000? If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay." -Jimmy Kimmel

"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who does she think she is, herself? (Finland, take a bow)

A pair of New England Patriots players were kicked out of practice this week after getting into a fight during drills. Wow, even the New England Patriots hate the New England Patriots. –Seth Meyers

According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages every day, including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed?! Who does she think she is, herself? –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who does she think she is, herself? (I know what turns women on)

Eric Trump appeared on CBS "This Morning" today and defended his father's ongoing feud with the family of a veteran, saying, “What I think this country needs is a fighter.” And to Donald Trump’s credit, he did bravely fight off all five of the Army’s attempts to draft him. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton held fundraisers today in Silicon Valley. Said Hillary, “It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built.” –Seth Meyers

According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages every day, including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed?! Who does she think she is, herself? –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those footprints in the sand are running straight into the ocean screaming (So, obviously it’s not a soft drink)

Ever since the FBI raided his lawyer Michael Cohen’s offices, the walls have been closing in on the president, and he's not happy. One source said, "We're at a different level now. He's losing his (bleep)." And another just said, "Jesus take the wheel." Buddy, I hate to tell ya, Jesus flung the door open a few miles back and then tucked and rolled into a ditch. Those footprints in the sand are running straight into the ocean screaming. --Stephen Colbert

And Donald Trump is ready to take drastic action against everyone investigating him, no matter who. One Trump friend told Vanity Fair, "I could see him having a total meltdown and saying, '(bleep) it, I'm firing all of them.' This is very dry tinder. If someone strikes a match to it, you could see it catching fire." "Dry Tinder," by the way, is how Mike Pence met his wife. --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile in Zambia an energy drink has been banned after it was found to contain viagra. So, obviously it’s not a soft drink. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a perfect plan – as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida (Were you aware of that, detective?)

August 2020

“More dismal coronavirus news: it is still, in August, taking more than two weeks to receive testing results in some states, which is insane. The whole point of testing is to find cases, isolate them, then trace their contacts. If it takes two weeks, it’s pointless. 

We could’ve avoided this with a coordinated testing strategy from the beginning, and the US almost had one until Jared Kushner slithered out of his Westworld milk bath and fucked it up. According to a damning report by Vanity Fair last week, Kushner secretly spearheaded a plan for an aggressive national testing strategy in March and April that went poof into thin air after it met with a ‘changing sentiment’ by the administration. 

Senior advisers reportedly believed the virus was subsiding and primarily affecting ‘blue states’, and thus sought to push the blame for testing failures on Democratic governors. I guess it’s not surprising to learn that Jared Kushner is a sociopath. 

I mean, look at him. He looks like Hannibal Lecter in a CW reboot of Silence of the Lambs. ‘Did you hear about the new kid? I heard he ate someone’s liver with fava beans and a Capri Sun.’ 

Kushner is the guy who takes his gloves off before dousing you with kerosene. Imagine the president’s son-in-law in action: ‘Gasoline is such a tricky smell to get out of leather. Were you aware of that, detective?’ 

So they had a national testing plan then scrapped it so they could blame the whole thing on Democratic governors. Given that it’s the Trump administration, he joked that it was likely their testing plan was simply: 1. Have one. But not only is that evil, it’s stupid. 

This is an infectious disease. This virus has traveled all over the world. Did they not realize it could travel to red states too? Imagine the mindset of a Trump official: ‘It’s a perfect plan – as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida.’” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Then someone told Trump that it's not illegal for women to vote (Dry Tinder)

There is so much meat on the news bone today that I don't know where to start carving. So, let's just unhinge our jaw and swallow this cow from the head down. When you're talking about Washington, the head is Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert

Ever since the FBI raided his lawyer Michael Cohen’s offices, the walls have been closing in on the president, and he's not happy. One source said, "We're at a different level now. He's losing his (bleep)." And another just said, "Jesus take the wheel." Buddy, I hate to tell ya, Jesus flung the door open a few miles back and then tucked and rolled into a ditch. Those footprints in the sand are running straight into the ocean screaming. --Stephen Colbert

And Donald Trump is ready to take drastic action against everyone investigating him, no matter who. One Trump friend told Vanity Fair, "I could see him having a total meltdown and saying, '(bleep) it, I'm firing all of them.' This is very dry tinder. If someone strikes a match to it, you could see it catching fire." "Dry Tinder," by the way, is how Mike Pence met his wife. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

OK, but I doubt she’d still be into it/a van down by the river/the Republican Brain

Following reports that President Trump carried on an affair with a porn star shortly after the birth of his youngest son, the head of the conservative Family Research Council said in a new interview that Trump deserves a “do-over.” OK, but I doubt she’d still be into it. --Seth Meyers

According to Vanity Fair, White House staffers have nicknamed Chief of Staff John Kelly “the Church Lady.” And Steve Bannon lives in a van, down by the river. --Seth Meyers

Rum maker Bacardi announced yesterday that it is acquiring Patron Spirits for $5.1 billion. And like most Bacardi announcements, it was shouted at 5 a.m. in the back seat of an Uber. --Seth Meyers

The Taj Mahal is currently undergoing its first cleaning since its construction in the 1600s. “Maybe we should do that,” said New York. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

You oughta be in pictures (you ought to be in mugshots!)

An explosive new article about the White House in Vanity Fair magazine says according to staffers, Donald Trump is actually moodier and more erratic every day, and recently confided in one White House aide, “I hate everyone in the White House. There are a few exceptions but I hate them.” Is this guy the president of the United States or a cast member on “Big Brother?” –James Corden

In the article, aides who are close to Donald Trump describe him as “unstable,” “losing a step” and “unraveling.” Meanwhile those of us NOT close to Donald Trump are like, “Yep, I’ve used those words too.” –James Corden

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Maybe I should run for president (I hate everyone in the White House!)

A big story right now is this Vanity Fair article about the White House. They say that Trump’s becoming unhinged, and that he recently shouted, “I hate everyone in the White House!” But later, he clarified his remarks, saying, “Except for me. I still like me a lot.” –Jimmy Fallon

Yeah, Trump apparently had an outburst and yelled, “I hate everyone in the White House!” When Mike Pence tried to calm him down, Trump said, “Go away! You’re not even my REAL dad!” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

even the New England Patriots hate the New England Patriots (My Balls are Perfect)

A pair of New England Patriots players were kicked out of practice this week after getting into a fight during drills. Wow, even the New England Patriots hate the New England Patriots. –Seth Meyers

     

According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages every day, including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed?! Who does she think she is, herself? –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

He gave the poor 41 (sell her on eBay)

"Cindy McCain appeared at the Republican National Convention, and Vanity Fair took a look at an outfit she wore. The magazine priced it out at around $300,000. With that kind of money, you could buy an 11th house." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Should we be nervous about a man who preaches against wasteful spending when his wife is wearing $300,000?" -Jimmy Kimmel

"If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay." -Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

viewers at home saw Bush sitting there, doing nothing, and they thought maybe it was another terrorist attack

"Bush didn't make the convention because the hurricane, Gustav, hit New Orleans, but actually didn't. Bush was at the Hurricane Command Center, taking credit for a perfect emergency response to a perfect non-emergency. Although he actually did cause some panic, because viewers at home saw him sitting there, doing nothing, and they thought maybe it was another terrorist attack." -Bill Maher

"Cindy McCain appeared at the Republican National Convention, and Vanity Fair took a look at an outfit she wore. The magazine priced it out at around $300,000. With that kind of money, you could buy an 11th house." -Jimmy Kimmel

"If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail. Today, she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska Governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin because she's never been to the Deep South." -Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: there’s no such thing as Viagra for your hands (last year’s after party got pretty wild)

President Trump today met with executives from the pharmaceutical industry, and they once again explained to him that there’s no such thing as Viagra for your hands. –Seth Meyers

Ikea has designed an emergency shelter that contains 68 components, and can be assembled in four hours. Unfortunately [shows photo of scowling Trump] we don’t have that kind of time. –Seth Meyers

Do you think Donald Trump is happy to see his wife eating diamonds on the cover of “Vanity Fair?” Or mad because they put his quote in Spanish? And if it’s in Spanish, does that mean they had to translate Trump’s original quote from Russian? –Seth Meyers

The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to its annual events. Said the dogs, “Yeah, last year’s after party got pretty wild.” –Seth Meyers