Otezla - SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And those are just the ones I had a dream about last night (Behold! The Invisible Woman!)

Donald Trump has been pandering like this wherever he goes. In New York, he said pizza is the best. In Portland, he said gluten is the devil's handiwork. And in Florida, he said nothing beats doing meth in a Walmart parking lot. –James Corden

Celebrities can't move to Canada, that's not how this works. All of America's best celebrities come from Canada. Ryan Gosling? Canadian. Justin Bieber? Canadian. Ryan Reynolds? Canadian. And those are just the ones I had a dream about last night. –James Corden

But it makes sense that Trump tells the most fibs of any president — even the color of his skin is a lie. –James Corden

This morning, President Trump made a special phone call to his favorite television program, "Fox & Friends." Trump and the hosts talked about lots of things, and at one point, he was asked to grade his presidency. Take a look at what he said. [Trump clip] “I would give myself an A-plus.” An A-plus! From where — Trump University? --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling (Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge)

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

A new study has been published providing more evidence that straight women have fewer orgasms than men during sex. Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a brewery in Virginia is coming out with a new beer that it says tastes like Lucky Charms. Said customers, "No, you get ready for school!" --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only hunk of Canadian meat worth that much is Ryan Gosling (We Have the Meats!)

November 2021

“Inflation of food prices is out of control. Specifically: meatflation, as prices for sirloin, boneless chunk roast and bacon have increased by 25%. In Canada, a rib roast could now cost as much as $100. That’s ridiculous. A hundred dollars? The only hunk of Canadian meat worth that much is Ryan Gosling.” —Stephen Colbert

“But meat is only the rib-tip of the iceberg, as prices are increasing for everything from cooking oil to dairy to pizza ingredients, forcing many New York pizza shops to abandon the classic $1 slice. It’s gotten so bad that Pizza Rat can only afford garlic knots.” —Stephen Colbert

“The inflated meat prices have been a drag on Joe Biden’s approval ratings, now down to 38%, and a CNN poll found that the majority of Americans believe Biden isn’t paying attention to the nation’s most important issues. Yes, he’s focused on things Americans don’t care about, like infrastructure. He needs to change his slogan from ‘Build Back Better’ to ‘We Have the Meats!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suck it, Ryan Gosling! (Oklacovid!)

August 2021

“I know you want to hear me talk about the big story everybody’s talking about right now. The chaos surrounding the recent poorly handled regime change — over at ‘Jeopardy!’” —Stephen Colbert

“The game show’s search for Alex Trebek’s successor, which included tryouts by guest hosts like LeVar Burton and Katie Couric, ended last week when the executive producers of Jeopardy! selected executive producer Mike Richards. Wow, what are the odds? Exactly the same as me getting named ‘Stephen Colbert Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.’ Suck it, Ryan Gosling!” —Stephen Colbert

“But since then, crude comments about women, Jews and Haiti that Richards made on a podcast years ago have emerged. Ooh, looks like Richards’s job might be in … jeopardy!” —Stephen Colbert

“Earlier today OnlyFans announced that it’s going to block all X-rated content starting in October. Reportedly, ‘OnlyFans was struggling to find outside investors because of its adult content.’ Evidently, pornography does not live up to the high moral standards of investment bankers, unless it’s them [expletive] the economy. Then it’s fine.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, there’s a bright side to banning shots of where the sun don’t shine, because OnlyFans says while sexually explicit material will be banned, nudity that is not sexually explicit will remain allowed. So you can only post nude images that would never turn on anyone — and, I’m sorry, I just don’t need the money that badly.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, today they both pledged to increase domestic production of Ryan Gosling movies (Thank God)

October 2012

"You can sense the election getting very close. Both candidates are now working very hard to shore up their support among women. In fact, today they both pledged to increase domestic production of Ryan Gosling movies." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday Mitt Romney's son Tagg said that during the debate he wanted to punch President Obama for calling his father a liar. He also wants to punch his father for giving him the name Tagg." –Conan O'Brien

"Endorsements are rolling in. The Atheist Party has endorsed Obama for president. When told the news Obama said, 'Thank God.'" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Scientists aren’t really that busy/jug wine and Ryan Gosling nudes/That’s methed up!

Here’s a headline from ABC News. It reads, “Study: Dogs aren’t really that smart.” That’s the headline, but the honest headline should’ve read -- “Study: Scientists aren’t really that busy.” --James Corden

Here’s a headline from Fox News, it reads, “Woman spent months in jail after officers thought cotton candy was meth.” That’s the headline, but the honest headline should’ve read -- “That’s methed up!” --James Corden

According to a researcher in England when you cough eating a bar of milk chocolate is actually a better cure for you than over-the-counter medicine. I guess now we can all put our chocolate in the medicine cabinet instead of under the stairs with our cigarettes, jug wine and Ryan Gosling nudes. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling

It was the weirdest TV finale since “Lost.” As I’m sure you’ve heard, “La La Land” was simultaneously somehow the biggest winner and loser last night. You know it’s a strange night when the word “envelope” is trending on Twitter. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Willie Nelson was like, “Oh hell yeah!”

According to a new study, people with several plants around their homes often live longer. Willie Nelson was like, “Oh hell yeah!” –Seth Meyers

Taco Bell is reportedly testing making taco shells from fried chicken. Which should finally answer the age-old question: “911 — what’s your emergency?” –Seth Meyers

Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton called Donald Trump a loose cannon and said, “Loose cannons tend to misfire.” Trump was like, “My cannon works just fine, I guarantee you, there’s no problem. I’ve already discussed this.” –Jimmy Fallon

Celebrities can't move to Canada, that's not how this works. All of America's best celebrities come from Canada. Ryan Gosling? Canadian. Justin Bieber? Canadian. Ryan Reynolds? Canadian. And those are just the ones I had a dream about last night. –James Corden

Ryan Gosling? Ryan Reynolds? Justin Bieber? (dream journal?)

Today was Super Tuesday where states like Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Delaware hold their primaries. Seriously, we have to stop calling these Super Tuesdays. Nothing super has ever happened on a Tuesday in Delaware. –James Corden

Lena Dunham, star of the HBO show "Girls," threatened to move to Vancouver if Trump became president. Trump said, “Well, she's a ‘B’ actor and, you know, has no mojo.” I can't believe Trump snapped back about Lena Dunham. Usually, he just ignores that kind of stuff and gracefully moves on. –James Corden

Celebrities can't move to Canada, that's not how this works. All of America's best celebrities come from Canada. Ryan Gosling? Canadian. Justin Bieber? Canadian. Ryan Reynolds? Canadian. And those are just the ones I had a dream about last night. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/03/hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015-volume-1_23.html