Suck it, Ryan Gosling! (Oklacovid!)

August 2021

“I know you want to hear me talk about the big story everybody’s talking about right now. The chaos surrounding the recent poorly handled regime change — over at ‘Jeopardy!’” —Stephen Colbert

“The game show’s search for Alex Trebek’s successor, which included tryouts by guest hosts like LeVar Burton and Katie Couric, ended last week when the executive producers of Jeopardy! selected executive producer Mike Richards. Wow, what are the odds? Exactly the same as me getting named ‘Stephen Colbert Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.’ Suck it, Ryan Gosling!” —Stephen Colbert

“But since then, crude comments about women, Jews and Haiti that Richards made on a podcast years ago have emerged. Ooh, looks like Richards’s job might be in … jeopardy!” —Stephen Colbert

“Earlier today OnlyFans announced that it’s going to block all X-rated content starting in October. Reportedly, ‘OnlyFans was struggling to find outside investors because of its adult content.’ Evidently, pornography does not live up to the high moral standards of investment bankers, unless it’s them [expletive] the economy. Then it’s fine.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, there’s a bright side to banning shots of where the sun don’t shine, because OnlyFans says while sexually explicit material will be banned, nudity that is not sexually explicit will remain allowed. So you can only post nude images that would never turn on anyone — and, I’m sorry, I just don’t need the money that badly.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You can eat tomorrow kids or maybe next week — whatever (The Two Party System for Dummies)

March 2021

“The new stimulus bill was being held up in the Senate this week after Senator Ron Johnson, Republican of Wisconsin, demanded clerks read all 628 pages out loud. That takes guts. Reminds me of the classic film ‘Mr. Smith Forces Senate Clerks to Go to Washington.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Perhaps it’s just Ron Johnson’s way of telling us he can’t read. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Senator. We’re sending LeVar Burton.’” —Stephen Colbert

“The 600-page bill will be read aloud in the Senate for 10 hours. This is the political equivalent of making someone come to your improv show.” —James Corden

“I’m going to wait until it’s adapted on Netflix. I’ll watch it then, you know?” —James Corden

“And to all the hungry kids out there, be patient. Ron Johnson is making a symbolic point. You can eat tomorrow or maybe next week — whatever.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”