Which is extremely frustrating for New York Times reporter Sheher Theythem (Something Important)

China's retaliatory tariffs will hurt U.S. farmers who sell products to China that they can't sell elsewhere, including chicken feet, which means those chickens will now have to sell their feet on OnlyFans. —Colin Jost

It was reported that several White House officials are refusing to answer messages from journalists if their e-mail signatures include identifying pronouns, which is extremely frustrating for New York Times reporter Sheher Theythem. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those missiles haven’t even left their apartment yet (you might see the launch codes on OnlyFans!)

Last weekend, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth messaged the group “TEAM UPDATE” with operational details of forthcoming strikes on Houthi rebels in Yemen, including information about targets, weapons to be deployed and attack sequencing. So to recap, the secretary of defense posted, on a publicly available app, specific war plans, which were then seen by a reporter who was accidentally on the thread. It’s a phenomenon previously known as ‘brother of the bride on the bachelor party text chain’. The messages may have violated several provisions of the Espionage Act, as Signal is not approved by the government for sharing classified information. And the only reason we know that they were doing any of this is because they accidentally included a journalist! What else are these ‘merit-based hires’ posting? For all we know, for just $4.99 a month, you might see the launch codes on OnlyFans! —Stephen Colbert

“This is an unprecedented failure of national security protocols and a grotesque disregard for the safety of American service members. Or as Donald Trump would say: no it isn’t!” It wasn’t just times and strikes. Hegseth also texted information about the target of the strikes, saying ‘target terrorist is @ his Known Location so SHOULD BE ON TIME.’ Should be on time? I’ve seen that text before. Those missiles haven’t even left their apartment yet. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wonder if she's kept her ball handling skills (We Beg To Differ)

An OnlyFans sex worker claims she was with over 1,000 men in 12 hours breaking the previous record set by the Lincoln Tunnel. —Greg Gutfeld

Ex WNBA player Liz Cambage is now on OnlyFans and makes 10 times as much as she did as a pro athlete. Call me curious, but I wonder if she's kept her ball handling skills. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Please return to your home and cease rebellion (What are you in for?)

A House ethics report on the disgraced congressman George Santos found that he misspent campaign funds on Botox, lavish trips to Atlantic City, designer goods and “smaller purchases” on OnlyFans, among other things. It’s quite a list – Botox, Atlantic City, OnlyFans and designer goods. Is he a congressman or a lesser Kardashian? He’s got the shopping list of a 98-year-old oil tycoon’s 20-year-old wife. —Seth Meyers

“If there are any fans of stupidity and corruption out there, you have joined us on the right night, hours after the House ethics report on George Santos revealed that the disgraced New York congressman sought to fraudulently exploit every aspect of his House candidacy for his own personal financial profit and “brought severe discredit upon the House”. That is not easy to do. Because these days, the dignity of the House is slightly below a Golden Corral that just ran out of steak. —Stephen Colbert

“George Santos got caught spending campaign money on Botox and OnlyFans. And this is on top of him stealing credit cards, wire fraud and identity theft. When he goes to jail, and they ask him, ‘What are you in for?’ he’s going to be, like, ‘Everything!’” — Leslie Jones

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was gonna have a garage sale, but his garage is a crime scene, so it's just like — he can’t (store-brand uranium)

January 2023

“Ukrainian President Zelenskyy said that he isn't sure if Vladimir Putin is still alive. Right now, 20 Russian officials are sitting around a conference table like, ‘You poke him.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And finally, a new study found that men who use Viagra are more likely to live longer. The worse part, Joe Biden is using the news to reassure everyone that he can serve another term.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, today the U.S. hit the debt ceiling, which means the federal government can't borrow any more money. Right now the U.S. is $31 trillion in debt. The country's so strapped for cash, George Santos is e-mailing people pretending to be a Nigerian prince. Also to make some extra money, it’s now called the Gillette Mach3 Washington Monument.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But Republicans say they won't raise the debt ceiling unless there are drastic spending cuts. They even want us to switch our nukes to store-brand uranium. I mean, come on.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said extraordinary measures are being taken to keep the government's bills paid. Which explains why tonight Mitch McConnell started an OnlyFans.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That's right. Everyone wants to chip in. Today President Biden said he was gonna have a garage sale, but his garage is a crime scene, so it's just like — he can’t.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But it doesn't affect us cause what we serve is technically neither (How to beat the 1%)

December 2022

“According to a poll, one-third of Americans start buying holiday gifts two months in advance. That's risky 'cause a lot can happen in two months. It's like, ‘Here's that Kanye sweatshirt you wanted.’ You go, ‘Hey. Wait. Hold on.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Switching gears, apparently the IRS has been contacting OnlyFans creators as part of a criminal tax investigation. The IRS actually said they're sending two agents at a time — one to do the investigation and the other to make sure that the first guy is actually doing the investigation.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Guys, I heard that the CEO of Taco Bell says Gen Z wants to eat chicken instead of beef. Then they added, ‘But it doesn't affect us cause what we serve is technically neither.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She was so hot, guys, I wish you could’ve seen her, but she was so classified (There’s no rush. You’ve got plenty of time)

September 2022

“We looked into the case of JR Majewski, a GOP House candidate from northwest Ohio who appears to have lied about his military service. Majewski touted his combat experience in Afghanistan following 9/11, but military records show he served away from combat in Qatar. Majewski has denied misrepresenting his time in service, and claimed that all of his records of deployment are classified. Yeah, that’s right people, he cannot prove that he was in combat because all of the records are classified. And I believe him. Man, I’ve been there. When I was in middle school, my girlfriend was classified too, and it sucked. She was so hot, guys, I wish you could’ve seen her, but she was so classified.” —Trevor Noah

“An announcement from the governor of New York state, Kathy Hochul, that they plan to put surveillance cameras in every New York subway car. The plan is to have cameras in every train – basically the subway is starting an OnlyFans account. Which, I don’t know. This is either going to discourage public masturbators or really excite them. How are there not already cameras? There are cameras in every aisle at Duane Reade. I find it hard to even steal lipstick any more. The cameras won’t be installed until 2025, so if you were planning to commit a crime on the subway, there’s no rush. You’ve got plenty of time.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even more amazing he amazing, he still managed to shoot an unarmed black guy (forced to take out a second OnlyFans account)

April 2022

President Biden seen here trying to remember where he left his mask, announced new federal regulations for ghost guns. I mean, I don’t like the idea of ghost guns either, but if there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? —Michael Che

Elon Musk offered to buy Twitter for over $40 Billion so he can loosen its free speech rules. That’s how badly white guys want to use the N-word. —Michael Che

The inflation rate in the U.S. reached 8.5% in March. To cover the higher prices millions of families have been forced to take out a second OnlyFans account. —Michael Che

Mental health experts are now recommending that children start being screened for anxiety when they are eight years old. Because it can be pretty stressful down at the old iPhone factory. —Michael Che

A video was posted of a police officer in san Francisco pulling over a driverless car, then the car driving away after the officer saw that there was no one behind the wheel. Even more amazing he amazing, he still managed to shoot an unarmed black guy. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suck it, Ryan Gosling! (Oklacovid!)

August 2021

“I know you want to hear me talk about the big story everybody’s talking about right now. The chaos surrounding the recent poorly handled regime change — over at ‘Jeopardy!’” —Stephen Colbert

“The game show’s search for Alex Trebek’s successor, which included tryouts by guest hosts like LeVar Burton and Katie Couric, ended last week when the executive producers of Jeopardy! selected executive producer Mike Richards. Wow, what are the odds? Exactly the same as me getting named ‘Stephen Colbert Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.’ Suck it, Ryan Gosling!” —Stephen Colbert

“But since then, crude comments about women, Jews and Haiti that Richards made on a podcast years ago have emerged. Ooh, looks like Richards’s job might be in … jeopardy!” —Stephen Colbert

“Earlier today OnlyFans announced that it’s going to block all X-rated content starting in October. Reportedly, ‘OnlyFans was struggling to find outside investors because of its adult content.’ Evidently, pornography does not live up to the high moral standards of investment bankers, unless it’s them [expletive] the economy. Then it’s fine.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, there’s a bright side to banning shots of where the sun don’t shine, because OnlyFans says while sexually explicit material will be banned, nudity that is not sexually explicit will remain allowed. So you can only post nude images that would never turn on anyone — and, I’m sorry, I just don’t need the money that badly.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”