The only hunk of Canadian meat worth that much is Ryan Gosling (We Have the Meats!)

November 2021

“Inflation of food prices is out of control. Specifically: meatflation, as prices for sirloin, boneless chunk roast and bacon have increased by 25%. In Canada, a rib roast could now cost as much as $100. That’s ridiculous. A hundred dollars? The only hunk of Canadian meat worth that much is Ryan Gosling.” —Stephen Colbert

“But meat is only the rib-tip of the iceberg, as prices are increasing for everything from cooking oil to dairy to pizza ingredients, forcing many New York pizza shops to abandon the classic $1 slice. It’s gotten so bad that Pizza Rat can only afford garlic knots.” —Stephen Colbert

“The inflated meat prices have been a drag on Joe Biden’s approval ratings, now down to 38%, and a CNN poll found that the majority of Americans believe Biden isn’t paying attention to the nation’s most important issues. Yes, he’s focused on things Americans don’t care about, like infrastructure. He needs to change his slogan from ‘Build Back Better’ to ‘We Have the Meats!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t let that vest fool you. He’s got sleeve money. (Sedate the Press)

November 2021

“Tuesday was a disappointing night for Democrats, as they lost the Virginia governorship to Republican Glenn Youngkin. But the media – who all live in Virginia and New Jersey, coincidentally – are freaking out so badly that NBC is launching a new Sunday show, Sedate the Press.” —Stephen Colbert

“The rough election night has re-energized congressional Democrats to pass crucial social and infrastructure plans – last week, due to opposition from the West Virginia senator Joe Manchin, Democrats took out paid family leave from the Build Back Better bill. But after the defeat in Virginia, the House added a provision to provide four weeks of federally paid family and medical leave back into the plan. OK, that’s something! It’s not what anyone asked for, but it’s better than nothing. Coincidentally, also the slogan of RC Cola.” —Stephen Colbert

“So, yes, the results were bad for Democrats and, yes, they absolutely need to learn some real lessons from it, but you didn’t need an election result in Virginia to tell you that things aren’t exactly great for Democrats right now. Biden’s poll numbers are in the toilet, concerns about the economy and inflation are on the rise, people are exhausted and angry after 20 months of pandemic life, and Democrats in Congress have spent what feels like an eternity haggling over a bill to deliver on Biden’s agenda, and they still can’t agree on a deal. It doesn’t seem that complicated to me: you need to do popular things that people like and then you need to tell voters that Republicans will take them away. I mean, this is a party that’s pretending to be a pro-worker, populist movement, but in Virginia, they just elected multimillionaire private equity executive in Glenn Youngkin, who often wore a simple, folksy vest on the campaign trail. Don’t let that vest fool you. He’s got sleeve money.” —Seth Meyers

“Team Biden today announced that more than 100 million American workers are required to be fully vaccinated by Jan. 4. And if I know my fellow American workers, everyone’s going to be super chill about that.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that guy doesn’t have his own penis-shaped spaceship (lick the back of it like a stamp)

October 2021

“It looks like Democrats are close to a breakthrough on the Build Back Better bill, as Democratic lawmakers worked to prune Biden’s top legislative priority into a shape that Senate holdouts Joe Manchin and Kirsten Sinema would support. But everyone was on board with taxing the richest corporations, pushing a proposal that would set a 15% baseline tax for companies with more than $1 Billion in profits. I know Amazon is going to complain about it, but 15% isn’t even that much! These giant companies are going to be paying the same rate as the guy who hands out the shoes at the bowling alley, and I guarantee you: that guy doesn’t have his own penis-shaped spaceship.” —Trevor Noah

“I don’t know if this is going to convince corporations to be happy about having less money, but I do think Manchin is right: paying taxes is patriotic. Part of loving your country is financially supporting your country. You can’t say you love your child if you’re sending all your money to some other kid who’s in the Cayman Islands.” —Trevor Noah

“The average cost of a funeral has risen at twice the rate of inflation since the 1980s; in 2019, a standard funeral cost on average more than $9,000. But even basic funerals can be out of reach for many families on account of hidden costs, from rental caskets to embalming, an unnecessary procedure that puts 4.3 Million gallons of chemicals into the ground each year. On the bright side, it allows humans to die like we lived: destroying the environment.” —Samantha Bee

“Georgia congresswoman and unrepentant election conspiracist Marjorie Taylor Greene, who tried to justify the 6 January insurrection this week by saying that the Declaration of Independence supports overthrowing ‘tyrants’. Greene’s comments came days after a report from Rolling Stone tied her and seven other Republican lawmakers to organizers of the Stop the Steal rally that devolved into the attack. Two organizers of the rally now cooperating with federal investigators have described ‘dozens’ of planning meetings with said lawmakers; one said he ‘remembered Marjorie Taylor Greene specifically’. Greene has denied the report, saying she was too focused on opposing the certification of the 2020 election results. Her denial is itself a damning admission – she claims she wasn’t involved in planning the protest because she was too busy trying to overturn the election results. We shouldn’t just let that pass by unnoticed. It’s a classic defense – ‘I couldn’t have burned down your house because I was too busy buying gasoline and matches and a map to your house.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Get out of here with your weather voodoo (Evangelical Jesus)

October 2021

“Things are going a little rough for the Biden administration. It’s been nine months, and at this point he might have to deliver his agenda by caesarean.” —Stephen Colbert

“The president’s signature legislation, the $3.5 Trillion Build Back Better plan that would institute universal pre-K, expand Medicare and enact climate protections, has been stuck in negotiations for months. Earlier this week, the administration announced the bill would be scaled back to $1.9 Trillion. They’re also scaling back the bill’s name from Build Back Better to Ack!” —Stephen Colbert

“Between that, Covid, inflation and supply chain issues, among other things, Biden’s approval rating reached a new low this week of 37%. To put that in context, that was the previous guy’s rating right after Charlottesville. Imagine Biden’s aides telling that to their boss – ‘Mr President, the polls are in. The good news: you’re holding strong at Nazi sympathizer.’” —Stephen Colbert

“There is an understudied and controversial employment loophole that allows disabled people to be paid less than minimum wage, some as low as 22 cents an hour. How can a wage be lower than the minimum wage? Minimum is supposed to be the minimum. It’s like when the weatherman says ‘it’s below freezing out there’. Yo man, once something is frozen, it’s frozen. Get out of here with your weather voodoo.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry for the inconvenience (Chicago may finally be running out of bullets)

October 2021

The NBA has announced that unvaccinated players will not be paid for any games missed due to local vaccine mandates, but that won’t matter. NBA players have a long, proud history of losing money because they refuse to use protection. —Michael Che

President Biden met with House Democrats yesterday to make a case for his Build Back Better budget plan. And no matter what you think of Biden’s plan you gotta admire the confidence of a guy with a stutter naming something the Build Back Better Budget Plan. —Michael Che

A group of online sleuths are trying to track down an individual who has been pelting Chicago residents with raw eggs. So good news. Chicago may finally be running out of bullets. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”