so just a little less than what restaurants add on for parties of six or more (He claims 47 percent of Americans as dependents)

September 2012

"Mitt Romney on Friday released his 2011 tax returns, which showed he paid 14 percent rate, so just a little less than what restaurants add on for parties of six or more." –Seth Meyers

"The 14 percent tax rate Romney paid is less than the 20 percent paid by the average American. How does he pay such a low rate? He claims 47 percent of Americans as dependents." –Seth Meyers

"In an interview Thursday, Ann Romney responded to criticism of her husband's presidential campaign, saying, 'Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring.' In response, the interviewer entered the race, and is leading Mitt Romney by five points." –Seth Meyers

"Obama came out and said, 'Hey, I can't change Washington from the inside.' I'm not saying what you said isn't true. I'm saying, why are you saying anything during this Romney tailspin? Don't make this hard on yourself – you're like the criminal that gets away with murder and then starts sending the cops puzzles to figure it out. Also, on a pure entertainment level, don't do anything to take the focus off the Romney follies – their campaign is getting crazier than the last season of 'Lost.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Also, people who love skiing, we're going to have a problem if you ask me to hit the powder and you don't have cocaine (Oh crap, she's up!)

Today was National Hot Sauce Day, or as Mike Pence calls it, ketchup. --Seth Meyers

First up, skiing. Ah, skiing, the sport that combines everyone's two favorite things -- frostbite and broken bones. Hey, skiing, if I wanted to see something go downhill quickly, I'd just go back and watch the second season of "Lost." Also, people who love skiing, we're going to have a problem if you ask me to hit the powder and you don't have cocaine. Skiing, go down on this! Ya burnt! --Seth Meyers

Bounce houses, a.k.a., the child concussion factory. Here's a good idea. Let's put 20 kids with bad coordination in an enclosed space and an uneven surface, let them jump at each other. What could possibly go right? Bounce houses are full of air and dangerous as hell. It's like if Fisher Price made the "Hindenburg." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the people admitted that the store was out of 'You totally embarrassed us' signs (based on the true story of the Republican Party)

"This morning, Barack Obama entered the Oval Office for the first time as president and he spent ten minutes alone. Yep. Shows you how things have changed. When President Bush spent ten minutes alone in the Oval Office, it was called a time-out." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, when President Bush returned to Texas, people who were there to greet him were holding up signs that said, 'You made us so proud.' Afterwards, the people admitted that the store was out of 'You totally embarrassed us' signs." --Conan O'Brien

"The new season of 'Lost' kicked off tonight. If you haven't seen it, 'Lost' is about a group of desperate people out of touch with the world. It's based on the true story of the Republican Party." --Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

even Donald Trump is like, "You're embarrassing me." (You stick to pretending it isn't crazy)

The president is also said to be unhappy with his newest attorney, Rudy Giuliani. He's been making a mess on cable and network news. Trump is reportedly irritated and disappointed by the interviews Giuliani's been giving. He's like, "Look, I'll say the crazy stuff. You stick to pretending it isn't crazy." Can you imagine being so rambling, incoherent, and contradictory that even Donald Trump is like, "You're embarrassing me." --Jimmy Kimmel

They say he may even ban Giuliani from doing any more interviews. I hope not. It would be like when they killed off Mr. Eko on "Lost." It's too soon. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling

It was the weirdest TV finale since “Lost.” As I’m sure you’ve heard, “La La Land” was simultaneously somehow the biggest winner and loser last night. You know it’s a strange night when the word “envelope” is trending on Twitter. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

However, things will warm up later in the afternoon, during the Rapture

Meteorologists are predicting that the weather for the inauguration tomorrow will be cold, damp, and dreary. However, things will warm up later in the afternoon, during the Rapture. –Conan O’Brien

President Obama surprised his White House staffers with a private concert by Bruce Springsteen to thank them for their work over the last eight years. Meanwhile, Trump thanked his supporters with a performance by a Bruce Springsteen cover band’s drummer’s DJ friend. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump will be sworn in as president of the United States tomorrow. That’s right. Basically, we as a nation are going from the first season of “Lost” to the last season. As it turns out, we’re all in purgatory. That’s the best-case scenario. –Seth Meyers

North Korea is reportedly readying two intercontinental ballistic missiles to nuke Donald Trump’s inauguration. Listen, Tubby, you’re gonna have to do a lot better than that if you want to scare us this weekend. –Seth Meyers

that is a case of “he said” and “she said, she said, she said, she said, she said.”

Donald Trump, you really have to hand it to him, I don’t think I’ve been this interested in a show since the first season of “Lost.” Every week, a completely new twist. We’ve gone from Mexicans to Muslims, little hands to Lyin’ Ted, Megyn Kelly to Melania’s speech, Crooked Hillary’s health to Billy Bush’s bus. Now he’s saying the election is rigged, even though it hasn’t happened yet. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump spent the weekend campaigning and complaining. He’s been cam-plaining. –Jimmy Kimmel

As you know, Trump is being accused of sexual misconduct by a slew of women. Of course, that is a case of “he said” and “she said, she said, she said, she said, she said.” –Jimmy Kimmel