Or, as he calls them, mature honeys (marketing a new brand of tampon)

In an effort to attract young voters, the Kamala Harris campaign has committed to visiting over 150 college campuses. Ooh, 150, she’s trying to break Matt Gaetz’s record. I’m kidding, obviously he’d never date a college girl. Or, as he calls them, mature honeys. —Stephen Colbert

Former President Donald Trump made several comments about women over the weekend, vowing that under his presidency, he would “protect women at a level never seen before,” saying they would be “healthy, hopeful, safe and secure.” I‘m not sure if he’s running for president or marketing a new brand of tampon. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question? (Second worst)

Nintendo fans are worried about Mario’s brother, Luigi, because in a trailer for a new game, he appears as a ghost. They said 30 years of jumping “groin-first” into a flagpole must’ve finally caught up to him. --Jimmy Fallon

A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: “To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question?” –Jimmy Fallon

“Well, after the hearing, Donald Trump said Mueller’s performance was, quote, ‘one of the worst performances in the history of the country.’ And then Stormy Daniels was like, ‘Second worst.’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If Marie Antoinette came back as a man (Toke-lahoma)

June 2014

"Today was the start of the World Cup. It's that special time of the year when Americans in bars shrug, 'Well, I guess we're watching this now.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff." –Craig Ferguson

"Pope Francis has pledged to remain neutral during the World Cup. When asked why, the Pope said, 'I picked the Miami Heat and look how that turned out.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Some Northern California counties want to form a separate state. They smoke a lot of weed up there. What would you call a state based on marijuana? Toke-lahoma. Flori-duh. How about Spliffs-consin? Dela-weed. New Hemp-shire." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings (that legally makes you a porn star)

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Steve Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

“Uh, I don’t think anyone wants a check that Trump signed. I think that legally makes you a porn star.” — Stephen Colbert

“I think you might be projecting, sir. [as Trump] The World Health Organization dragged its feet on Covid. The W.H.O. cheated on Melania when she was home with a 3-month-old. The W.H.O. thinks they can get out of this by blaming all their screw-ups on the W.H.O. Not going to work, W.H.O.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Stop trying to replace your father (The app is called Why?)

Apple is exploring ways to turn Siri into people's personal therapist. In fact, this morning when I asked Siri for today's weather she said, "Stop trying to replace your father." –Conan O’Brien

A new app lets people take selfies with virtual versions of "The Today Show" anchors. The app is called Why? –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

if there's one thing Mike Pence stands for, it's the sanctity of a third marriage

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin got married this weekend for the third time, and the wedding was officiated by Vice President Mike Pence. Because if there's one thing Mike Pence stands for, it's the sanctity of a third marriage. –Seth Meyers

President Trump and his wife Melania this weekend attended the wedding of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. When asked if she cries at weddings, Melania said, "Just the one." –Seth Meyers

In an interview today, Ivanka Trump graded her father's presidency as an "A." Though if you want an honest assessment maybe ask someone who's not in the will. Like Eric. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

What do want to be IF you grow up? (Not you, Mr. President)

Yesterday, President Trump said that Obama copied him by calling the Republican healthcare bill "Mean." And then Obama said Trump copied him by spending the last six months doing nothing. –Jimmy Fallon

Actually, though, Obama is taking some heat right now, because it came out that two senators tried to warn him that Russia was trying to hack the election and he ignored them. Trump promises that if he ever gets top secret information about Russia, he'll do the responsible thing and tweet it. –Jimmy Fallon

Nancy Pelosi was talking about her first meeting with Trump and she said that he served pigs in a blanket and kosher meatballs. It's good to know that even the president has a bunch of food from Costco that he is trying to get rid of. –Jimmy Fallon

This weekend, Mike Pence officiated the wedding of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. Pence said, "You may now kiss the bride." Then he was like, "Not you, Mr. President." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535