This is a bad look (That’s just Mitch McConnell saying hello)

President Trump attended the World Cup final on Sunday, where he was booed by the crowd as he walked onto the field to take part in the medal ceremony and trophy presentation. At this point, I’m guessing Trump’s staff tries to make him feel better by telling him he’s just being followed around by ghosts: ‘Mr. President, remember, no one’s booing you. That’s just Mitch McConnell saying hello.’ — Seth Meyers

“Trump’s sports curse strikes again. He goes to the N.B.A. finals, the Knicks lose. He intervenes to get a red card overturned, U.S.A. loses. He says you can’t bet against Messi, Argentina loses. He owned a U.S.F.L. team, and the whole [expletive] league folded. He’s a sports reaper.” — Seth Meyers

“A video has gained attention online that appears to show FIFA President Gianni Infantino attempting to move President Trump away from the Spanish national soccer team so they could lift the World Cup trophy without him. In Trump’s defense, that thing’s solid gold. That’s like trying to move Gollum away from the Ring. The head of the most corrupt organization on Earth was, like, ‘This is a bad look.’” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The land of the Karen (How to get a guy a pardon)

After a red-card foul during the World Cup, the soccer star Folarin Balogun was handed an automatic one-match suspension, ruling him out of the U.S. team’s game against Belgium on Monday — until President Trump intervened, after which FIFA suspended the ban. This is America, bitch! The land of the Karen. — Ronny Chieng

“Trump didn’t know what a red card is. But you know what he did know? How to get a guy a pardon.” — Ronny Chieng

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

also flying to a private island makes him miss his friend Jeffrey Epstein (It’s as if that Fifa peace prize means nothing to this man)

On Saturday, Donald Trump Jr married his partner, Bettina Anderson, in the Bahamas in a small ceremony attended by 40 guests none of whom were his father. On Truth Social, Trump wrote that he “very much wanted” to be there but felt it was “important for me to remain in Washington, DC at the White House during this important period of time”. He had circumstances pertaining to government – and also flying to a private island makes him miss his friend Jeffrey Epstein. —Jimmy Kimmel

This is a guy who golfs two, three times a week, he’s going to UFC fights with Vanilla Ice. He was too busy for his son’s wedding. But he did say Don and Bettina are going to have a great marriage, and this is a man who knows a great marriage; he’s had three of them himself. —Jimmy Kimmel

Trump is stuck in the war with Iran like a pig in a vat of chocolate pudding. On Saturday, the president said that a deal with Iran was nearly finalized, but US bombs continue to strike the country. It’s as if that Fifa peace prize means nothing to this man. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

turns out they’re invade Venezuela bad (classmates voted him least likely to eat your liver)

Trump claimed his new year resolution for 2026 was “peace on earth”, but that lasted for just under two days. If you were wondering how bad these Epstein files are for Trump, turns out they’re invade Venezuela bad. —Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump hosted the Kennedy Center Honors in December. After boasting about what a great host he is and how much better he is than I am and how huge his ratings would be, Trump hosted the lowest-rated Kennedy Center Honors telecast of all time. I’d hate to be the White House intern who had to tear that headline out of all the papers and eat ’em. You know, as I recall, he said he’d step down if this happened, right? He said: ‘If I can’t beat out Jimmy Kimmel, then I don’t think I should be president.’ Hey, a deal is a deal. Back to Mar-a-Lago you go. —Jimmy Kimmel

“You guys, Donald Trump made history this weekend by becoming the first-ever winner of the Fifa peace prize to bomb another country and kidnap its leader. The most stunning turn of events since Hannibal Lecter’s high-school classmates voted him least likely to eat your liver. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He hasn’t been this happy since the day before Eric was born (stacking toads)

On Friday, President Trump received the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize after years of campaigning unsuccessfully for the Nobel Peace Prize. Might seem like an odd combination, but I think it’s appropriate because when you think peaceful, you think soccer fans.” — Stephen Colbert

“So they did something — you could call it genius and you might be right. They tapped into his disappointment from not winning the Nobel Peace Prize and created their own peace prize, the FIFA Peace Prize, which is like if NASCAR started handing out Peabody awards. It means nothing.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I have to say Trump was so pleased. He hasn’t been this happy since the day before Eric was born.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Eh, you get used to it (We did?)

A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?" –Seth Meyers

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He asked for the angel hair just to smell it (Eh, you get used to it)

​​Dunkin' Donuts is partnering with Harpoon Brewery to release a coffee-infused beer. Not to be outdone, Four Loko is now partnering with heroin. --Seth Meyers

According to reports, former Vice President Joe Biden requires that his paid speaking engagements provide him with a dinner of angel hair pomodoro, caprese salad, and raspberry sorbet. And this is weird: He asked for the angel hair just to smell it. --Seth Meyers

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

rich people's rocket money (taking bribes without using their hands)

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Chelsea Clinton, who welcomed her second child over the weekend. After the birth, Bill brought flowers, while Hillary brought a focus group to help name the baby. –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He now faces up to 5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison (bombing people from long range)

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

A former Iowa lottery official was found guilty yesterday of rigging a computerized "Hot Lotto" game so he could win a $14 million jackpot. He now faces up to 5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison. –Seth Meyers

A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Luckily for us, now he wants to be in charge of people (No, we’re still here)

"On the Republican side, today former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced he is running for president. While growing up he wanted to be a veterinarian, but his grades weren't good enough. Luckily for us, now he wants to be in charge of people." –Jimmy Fallon

It’s the first NBA title and the first championship for Cleveland in 52 years. And now a lot of sports writers are saying that Cleveland will no longer be synonymous with losing. Then the Cleveland Browns said, “No, we’re still here." –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana (I get excited about scoreless ties)

November 2022

“This season on top of the regular seasonal cold, I am suffering from World Cup fever, symptoms include I’m a little ache-y and I get excited about scoreless ties.” —Stephen Colbert

“The host nation to the World Cup is Qatar, a desert country with an oppressive regime and a terrible human rights record where homosexuality is illegal, in other words it’s like if Ron Desantis had oil.” —Stephen Colbert

“To protest this, seven countries saw their captains trying to wear rainbow armbands that said one love. In response, Fifa said it would give a yellow card to anyone doing this as well as ordering Belgium to remove the word love from their shirts. They’re banning love and rainbows. Basically Fifa is the bad guy in a Care Bears movie.” —Stephen Colbert

“This week also saw the Iranian team stay silent during the national anthem to protest the country’s violent and misogynist regime. It was incredibly brave or they forgot the words.” —Stephen Colbert

“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m pretty sure if you spend 17 days in Jersey, you become an honorary member of the E Street Band (National Girlfriends Day)

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

Today was National Girlfriends Day, so don't forget to send her $130,000. --Seth Meyers

According to The Associated Press, President Trump will take a 17-day vacation starting tomorrow at his golf club in New Jersey. Seventeen days in New Jersey doesn’t sound like a vacation, it sounds like an episode of “I Survived.” That’s more days than Chris Christie has spent in New Jersey. I’m pretty sure if you spend 17 days in Jersey, you become an honorary member of the E Street Band. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How many of you folks have ever been bitten by a Uruguayan? (It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen)

June 2014

"I am excited about the World Cup and the U.S. soccer team. But I will admit there are nuances to the game that are lost on me. For example, the United States has won one game, tied one game. They play Germany, and if they tie Germany 0-0, they advance to the finals. It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen." –David Letterman

"During the World Cup, Uruguay is playing Italy and one of their players bites an Italian player. How many of you folks have ever been bitten by a Uruguayan?" –David Letterman

"FIFA, the world soccer governing body, says the guy who did the biting has to wear one of those dog cones for the rest of the tournament." –David Letterman

"Italy was eliminated from the World Cup. Italians were running through the streets waving their hands around, screaming at each other. Then they heard about the World Cup." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The battle of ideologies ("Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks)

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

It’s not just Trump’s cabinet that’s been riddled by scandal. He doled out tax cuts to the wealthy and corporations, slashed environmental regulations, and gutted consumer protections. And, of course, he's been personally profiting off the presidency, himself. The Washington Post reports that lobbyists representing the Saudi government paid for an estimated 500 rooms at President Trump's D.C. hotel in the months after his election. The total bill for those trips -- more than $270,000. T-Mobile executives booked dozens of nights at the Trump hotel last year once their merger needed Trump administration approval. NBC news has obtained documents showing that Trump International Hotel billed the secret service $215,000 for the period between September 2016 and February 2018. President Trump's golf habit has cost the American people some $102 million and counting. So not only has the presidency allowed Trump to commit indictable offenses with impunity, it's also allowed him to personally profit off the presidency. I wouldn't be surprised if he just started selling off pieces of the oval office on Craigslist. Meyers as Trump, "Good desk made of wood. Has light ketchup stains." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”