turns out they’re invade Venezuela bad (classmates voted him least likely to eat your liver)

Trump claimed his new year resolution for 2026 was “peace on earth”, but that lasted for just under two days. If you were wondering how bad these Epstein files are for Trump, turns out they’re invade Venezuela bad. —Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump hosted the Kennedy Center Honors in December. After boasting about what a great host he is and how much better he is than I am and how huge his ratings would be, Trump hosted the lowest-rated Kennedy Center Honors telecast of all time. I’d hate to be the White House intern who had to tear that headline out of all the papers and eat ’em. You know, as I recall, he said he’d step down if this happened, right? He said: ‘If I can’t beat out Jimmy Kimmel, then I don’t think I should be president.’ Hey, a deal is a deal. Back to Mar-a-Lago you go. —Jimmy Kimmel

“You guys, Donald Trump made history this weekend by becoming the first-ever winner of the Fifa peace prize to bomb another country and kidnap its leader. The most stunning turn of events since Hannibal Lecter’s high-school classmates voted him least likely to eat your liver. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like if OJ’s buddies at his trial were Charles Manson and Hannibal Lecter (someone else’s porn star hush-money trial)

Donald Trump was back in court on Thursday for his criminal hush-money trial, with several congressional Republicans in tow for support, including JD Vance, Lauren Boebert, Tim Scott and Matt Gaetz. Man, Beavis and Butthead are everywhere. Seriously, there are more Republican members of Congress at Trump’s criminal trial than there are at the Capitol. Just going to throw this out there – might be a good day to storm it? —Seth Meyers

“If you’re on trial for a criminal charge where character is central to the case, Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert aren’t exactly the role models you want with you in the room. That’s like if OJ’s buddies at his trial were Charles Manson and Hannibal Lecter.” —Seth Meyers

Nevertheless, Gaetz and Boebert were reportedly sitting in the front row of the courtroom. Sitting front row at the Trump trial must be like the Maga version of sitting courtside at a Knicks game, except if someone says, ‘Wow, they’re even bigger up close,’ they’re talking about the bags under Trump’s eyes. This is how grimy and pathetic the Republican party has become: the only thing sadder than having to sit in a dreary New York City courtroom for your porn star hush-money trial is sitting in a dreary New York City courtroom for someone else’s porn star hush-money trial. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There’s really only one way to get paid by Donald Trump, and it is not worth it (please tell me this is not your VP announcement)

“During his testimony today, Michael Cohen also said that he was never paid for early legal work he did for Donald Trump. Of course not! He doesn’t pay his lawyers, he doesn’t pay his contractors. There’s really only one way to get paid by Donald Trump, and it is not worth it.” — Seth Meyers

“At this rally, Trump talked about the ‘Silence of the Lambs’ character Hannibal Lecter and said he was a ‘wonderful man.’ First of all, Hannibal Lecter isn’t real. He’s a character played by Anthony Hopkins, a wonderful man who is real. Second, the character Hannibal is not a wonderful man, he’s a cannibal who murdered a bunch of people. And third, please tell me this is not your VP announcement.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, check out my new outfit. It’s a skin suit! (he really went for it)

Kristi Noem, the governor of South Dakota and a possible running mate for Donald Trump, in her new book, first obtained by the Guardian, Noem admitted to killing her dog. It was a 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket. It’s one thing to kill a dog named Cricket, it’s another to brag about it in a book. She thought telling that story would make her look cool. It’s horrible enough to kill a dog, but even crazier to brag about it. That’s a level of psycho I didn’t even know existed. Even Buffalo Bill [from The Silence of the Lambs] had the self-awareness to keep his abhorrent behavior indoors. He didn’t walk around town saying, ‘Hey, check out my new outfit. It’s a skin suit!’” —Seth Meyers

Noem defended her actions on X, formerly Twitter, writing: “tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm” and that she just had to “put down 3 horses a few weeks ago”. Way to change the narrative. ‘Yeah, I killed a dog. But in my defense: also, three horses. Sleep with your eyes open, donkey!’ —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day! (You lost my brother?!)

I read that Jeb Bush has seen a drop in campaign donations lately, and has been forced to take commercial flights to campaign events. It got weird when the airline said they lost Jeb's baggage and he was like, “You lost my brother?!” –Jimmy Fallon

And a lot of people are getting really excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview, he said that he’s felt “used” by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, “Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day!” –Jimmy Fallon

According to a new poll, almost half of Florida voters think their own candidates, Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, should drop out of the race. While the other half of Florida keeps asking what happened to Eisenhower. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Because that's how you get demons (It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear)

March 2023

“Donald Trump is now blaming Mike Pence for the January 6th attack on the Capitol, which is the presidential equivalent of ‘if the teller had just put the money in the bag, everybody would’ve made it home safe.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Listen, Mike Pence can be blamed for a lot of things, like shampooing with white-out, but he didn’t cause January 6th. They tried to hang him on January 6th. I have to say, I can’t wait to see Pence debating Donald Trump. It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Do you recall when Joe Biden, during his 2020 presidential campaign, promised: ‘No more drilling on federal lands, period. Period.’ Period, period, period … comma, as the Biden administration approved the Willow oil drilling project on federal land in Alaska. Which is disappointing, but hey, when you’re that age, that’s the only kind of drilling you can do.” —Kal Penn

“The drilling project includes a device called the thermosiphon, which keeps the permafrost solid enough for drilling while it simultaneously melts due to global warming. Guess Conoco Phillips has an irony division? I mean, keeping the permafrost alive so they can kill it slowly? That’s like some Silence of the Lambs serial killer shit.” —Kal Penn

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a perfect plan – as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida (Were you aware of that, detective?)

August 2020

“More dismal coronavirus news: it is still, in August, taking more than two weeks to receive testing results in some states, which is insane. The whole point of testing is to find cases, isolate them, then trace their contacts. If it takes two weeks, it’s pointless. 

We could’ve avoided this with a coordinated testing strategy from the beginning, and the US almost had one until Jared Kushner slithered out of his Westworld milk bath and fucked it up. According to a damning report by Vanity Fair last week, Kushner secretly spearheaded a plan for an aggressive national testing strategy in March and April that went poof into thin air after it met with a ‘changing sentiment’ by the administration. 

Senior advisers reportedly believed the virus was subsiding and primarily affecting ‘blue states’, and thus sought to push the blame for testing failures on Democratic governors. I guess it’s not surprising to learn that Jared Kushner is a sociopath. 

I mean, look at him. He looks like Hannibal Lecter in a CW reboot of Silence of the Lambs. ‘Did you hear about the new kid? I heard he ate someone’s liver with fava beans and a Capri Sun.’ 

Kushner is the guy who takes his gloves off before dousing you with kerosene. Imagine the president’s son-in-law in action: ‘Gasoline is such a tricky smell to get out of leather. Were you aware of that, detective?’ 

So they had a national testing plan then scrapped it so they could blame the whole thing on Democratic governors. Given that it’s the Trump administration, he joked that it was likely their testing plan was simply: 1. Have one. But not only is that evil, it’s stupid. 

This is an infectious disease. This virus has traveled all over the world. Did they not realize it could travel to red states too? Imagine the mindset of a Trump official: ‘It’s a perfect plan – as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida.’” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if you have to ask – it ain’t you (Hush Money)

I saw that Ikea’s teaming up with Amazon to sell its furniture online. They say it’s perfect for couples who want to argue in the comfort of their own home. –Jimmy Fallon

A new study finds that parents DO actually have a favorite child. The survey also finds if you have to ask – it ain’t you. –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans