The move could have huge implications for your fantasy football teams

"President Obama announced yesterday that he's pardoning 12 convicted felons. Political experts say the move could have huge implications for your fantasy football teams." –Seth Meyers



"Russian President Vladimir Putin said at a press conference today that it was too early to decide if he will run for re-election in 2018. But he says it's not too early to decide how much he wins by." –Seth Meyers

"Economists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil. And number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka." –David Letterman


http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And I hear in the film Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un (4 percent of chairs)

"A new poll about the 2016 election shows that just 27 percent of voters would be likely to support Chris Christie. And only 4 percent of chairs." –Seth Meyers



"After closing their final session, the outgoing 113th Congress has an approval rating of just 16 percent. To give you some perspective, Bill Cosby is at 17." –Seth Meyers


"Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, 'The Interview.' North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, 'Now we can't show anybody the movie.' I'm disappointed. I think this is the wrong thing to do. And I hear in the film Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I heard he's so stressed out by this that he's been smoking marijuana (that's only because they escaped)

"Sony hackers are threatening to attack theaters that show Seth Rogen's new comedy about an attempt on North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un's life. In response, the big theater chains won't show the movie. They should be ashamed of themselves. The idea that there are North Korean terror cells in the U.S. is ridiculous. If there are any North Koreans in America, that's only because they escaped." –Jimmy Kimmel



"The message this sends is that if you really scare us, we'll do what you want. Poor Seth Rogen. I heard he's so stressed out by this that he's been smoking marijuana." –Jimmy Kimmel



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In return we sent back one of their shortstops (value of the ruble)

"Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops." –Jimmy Fallon

"Despite Russia's move to raise interest rates this week, the value of the ruble has continued to crash. Russia's economy is so bad, Edward Snowden had to put government secrets on Craigslist." –Jimmy Fallon



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Second place went to 'Or else.'

"The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the North Pole as their own. Hey, you can't just reach out and take something if you want it, Denmark. That's Russia's job." –Craig Ferguson



"Jeb Bush announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers



"President Vladimir Putin has been named Russia's man of the year. Second place went to 'Or else.'" –Seth Meyers

It will be like 1992 all over again except...

"Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab." –Craig Ferguson



"What is Jeb Bush's full name? Jebediah? Jebaroni?" –Craig Ferguson



"Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby." –Craig Ferguson



What language did his brother speak?

"Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse." –Conan O'Brien



"Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that? " –David Letterman



"I feel like Bush presidencies are like 'Godfather' films. You should stop at two." –David Letterman