Donald Trump needs a new opening line for his inauguration speech (How about some help here?)

At the Academy of Country Music Awards, Willie Nelson announced he was writing his memoirs. He said in his memoirs, he will explain how marijuana has affected his life. Here’s how it affected his life: He started writing his memoir in 1946. --Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush and Bill Clinton sat next to each other at the big game. Clinton congratulated UConn on its big win, while Bush gave Kentucky a 'Mission Accomplished' banner." –Jimmy Fallon

On Twitter this morning, Trump threatened Russia with missiles that are "nice and smart." And Americans were like, "Can we make one of those missiles president?" --Jimmy Fallon

Hotel and casino tycoon Steve Wynn is under fire after he said, “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” In related news, Donald Trump needs a new opening line for his inauguration speech. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And you sir, are no Alexander Hamilton!

We're just three days away from the big Democratic debate right here in New York. And both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have been busy campaigning throughout the city. Bernie even had some time to see the Broadway show “Hamilton” with his wife. Though it got awkward when Bernie stood up and said, “I knew Alexander Hamilton! And you sir, are no Alexander Hamilton!” –Jimmy Fallon

Bernie Sanders said on Friday that his goal for financial reform is to “make banking boring again.” I think I speak for all Americans when I say, let’s just make elections boring again. –Jimmy Fallon

Senator Lindsey Graham said in an interview last week that if he can support Ted Cruz, anybody can do it. You know it's bad when your best endorsement sounds like a bad diet plan. –Jimmy Fallon

Hotel and casino tycoon Steve Wynn is under fire after he said, “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” In related news, Donald Trump needs a new opening line for his inauguration speech. –Jimmy Fallon