while I'm pretty sure Lady Gaga took home Bradley Cooper (a number 3 and a number 5)

Rami Malek took home the Oscar for Best Actor last night for his portrayal of Freddie Mercury in "Bohemian Rhapsody," while I'm pretty sure Lady Gaga took home Bradley Cooper. --Seth Meyers

A new report has placed the U.S. as the 35th healthiest country in the world. Americans celebrated by ordering a number 3 and a number 5. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

if anyone understands comedy, it’s the Russians (Now where’s my check?)

Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention this evening. And there was an awkward moment when she finished the speech and said, "Now where’s my check?" –Conan O’Brien

Bradley Cooper was spotted at the Democratic Convention and it angered conservatives because he portrayed Navy SEAL Chris Kyle in American Sniper. These are the same people who were angry when they learned that Ben Affleck isn’t really Batman. –Conan O’Brien

Today, Donald Trump said that when he asked Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails he was being “sarcastic.” Which makes sense — if anyone understands comedy, it’s the Russians. –Conan O’Brien

Bradley Cooper was in the balcony with a rifle

"The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?" –David Letterman



"The Oscar telecast went smoothly. It helped that Bradley Cooper was in the balcony with a rifle in case any of the speeches went on too long." –Jimmy Kimmel

"New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates." –Jimmy Fallon