He says he will prove he is completely heterosexual by having sex only with men who are completely heterosexual (I was hoping to get some tang)

"There's a big love triangle. This woman astronaut was going to kidnap another woman because they were in love with the same guy. So this woman astronaut drives 900 miles wearing a wig and a diaper. This is one giant step for man, one giant leap to the nuthouse." --David Letterman

"A female astronaut has been arrested for attacking another astronaut's girlfriend with a BB gun, a mallet, and pepper spray, after she drove 900 miles wearing a diaper. After hearing about it, NASA officials said, 'We may need to add a new question to the astronaut entrance exam.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It turns out the female astronaut was trying to kidnap the other woman because they're both in love with the same astronaut. The male astronaut was disappointed the female astronaut was arrested and said, 'I was hoping to get some tang.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Ted Haggard, the minister who was caught with a gay prostitute, has just finished a three-week sex addiction program. He says he is now 'completely heterosexual.' Haggard says he will prove he is completely heterosexual by having sex only with men who are completely heterosexual." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”