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Sunday, April 2, 2017

Applicants should be comfortable with Word, Excel, and gay sex in the men's room



"Senator Larry Craig, who by the way, he's still around. Senator Larry Craig has announced that he's accepting applications for a summer internship. That's true. Applicants should be comfortable with Word, Excel, and gay sex in the men's room." --Conan O'Brien

"Last night in Cleveland, another debate between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. When it was all said and done, not much changed. Obama is still favored to get the nomination. I think he proved once and for all that he really does have what it takes to be president of these United States [on screen: Obama mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' twice]. See, he mispronounces things just like the real president does [on screen: Pres. Bush mispronouncing 'peninsula']." --Jimmy Kimmel

"And not only did Barack Obama show he can be president, he also showed that he has what it takes to be married to Nick Lachey [on screen: Jessica Simpson mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' in a variety of ways]. I miss her. I miss them together. I think she'd make a great secretary of state." --Jimmy Kimmel



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