Bush is putting FEMA in charge to make sure the money never gets there (never lie to Oprah)

"Bush is now urging all nations to cut off aid to Hamas and Palestine, including the $234 million we were going to send them. In fact, to make sure, Bush is putting FEMA in charge to make sure the money never gets there." --Jay Leno

"In Palestine, Hamas won by a landslide, huge, huge margin. How does this make Democrats feel? They can't win anything and terrorists are winning in a landslide." --Jay Leno

"Al-Qaeda number two man Ayman al-Zawahriha released a new video where he calls President Bush a warmonger, a failure and a man who has brought catastrophe to the United States. I’m sorry that’s what Howard Dean said." --Jay Leno

"Tomorrow night, President Bush will give his  State of the Union address. He's expected to repeat several universal truths: All people deserve to be free, democracy is good, and the most important truth, never lie to Oprah." --Jay Leno