This is great, now can we have food and shoes?

The FDA is planning to prohibit anyone under the age of 18 from using e-cigarettes. The head of the FDA said, "It’s not for health reasons, they just make you look so douchey." –Conan O’Brien

Meteorologists say the storm is tied now for the strongest El Niño storm ever. They say if it gets any stronger it could turn into a Dwayne Johnson movie. –Jimmy Kimmel

North Korea's claiming that they successfully detonated their first hydrogen bomb. They haven't perfected color television yet, but they do have a hydrogen bomb. After they made the announcement, the people of North Korea were like, “This is great, now can we have food and shoes?” –Jimmy Kimmel