it's been 17 years, two months, and six days

Donald Trump's wife, Melania, gave an interview and said she remembers her first date with Donald like it was two months ago. Then it got awkward when she was like, “But the marks on my wall clearly show that it's been 17 years, two months, and six days.” –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday in Alabama, a bomb squad was called in to a post office to handle suspicious bags that ended up being full of hot dogs. So if you know someone who left a bag full of hot dogs at the post office, you should still call the police. -- Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is now accusing Ted Cruz of having a Canadian passport. Cruz said he doesn’t have a Canadian passport, but like everyone else he’ll get one the minute Donald Trump becomes president. –Conan O’Brien